How My Year Has Started Off in the Online Dating World…

by Emily Macintosh on January 20, 2015

Are men just getting more bold or do they literally just not give a fuck about anything? Yes, this is the only thought going through my mind as I scan my inbox on my online dating apps… Here are a few gems to give you an idea.

Lets start with Bryan (with a Y):

Bryan is 37 and his profile only reads “no hook ups please.” So, my first thought is FINALLY someone who doesn’t JUST want to sleep with me. WOO HOO! Then, we had this conversation…

12-27-14
Me: H! Just wanted to say hi. How were the holidays?

12-30-14
Bryan: Well, I’m in Jamaica at the moment.
Me: I’m jealous. It’s currently freezing in LA right now!

12-31-14
Bryan: It’s ok. I’ll be home soon to keep you warm… if that sounds good to you? Maybe some big spoon, little spoon? :)
Me: (I’m thinking… Aw, cute!) Sounds good!
Bryan: Wanna text till then? I could use more sexy selfies of you ;) (DERAILED! DERAILED!)

1-1-15
Me: (Trying to get things back on track…) Happy New Year! How was it?
Bryan: Heyyyyyyyyy
(Me: Ok, well that doesn’t even deserve a response.)

1-3-15
Me: Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you sooner. You ready to come home? How was your trip?

1-5-15
Me: Hey big spoon, welcome home! Maybe a drink this week?

1-7-15
Bryan: How bout some naughtiness?
Me: Really? I’m not gonna lie. I’m bummed. I’ve seen you on a few dating sites over the last few years and always though “that guy’s cute!” I was excited when we matched and started chatting. I even messaged to see if you wanted to get a drink this week, So, you can how I’m a little disappointed when the guy who has “no hook ups please” on his profile ignores all of the nice things I’ve said and asks for sexy selfies and naughtiness. I’m down with those things after a while… but really? I’m the kinda girl you bring to meet your friends and family.

I wait patiently for 48 hours to see if he’ll man up and say anything. No response. I unmatch.

Then, there’s this guy… 0% match, no picture and 10 years older than me.

Want kids with you guyAnd Shawn

Shawn OKC 1-15

Shawn profile 1-15


* Please note… bigger is better and bonus points if you have blond hair or have big boobs. After his message and reading his profile I didn’t find Shawn interesting and/or cute.

I was NOT going to let this get me down, so I started chatting with a new match on Tinder. Bo (yes, he has a dog name, but looked cute!). Bo and I messaged for 3 days. Until… he asked me if I had instagram. I told him yes, but it was private because I have nieces and nephews and prefer to keep my personal life outside of work private. 5 minutes later… he unmatched us.

Last week I had not 1, but 2 what I thought were good matches!

And that leads me to Adam. 33. Lives in the South Bay (the beach in LA). Pictures of him surfing, playing with kids in some third world country, etc.

Me: Hey there!
Adam: Hey there. What are you looking for on here? (Ps. His profile says he’s Christian and I didn’t hold that against him!)
Me: I know I’m the minority… I’m actually always looking for the one. If I wanted a hook up that’s much easier to find. And if I can’t find the one right now, someone fun to hang out with who thinks I’m cute and fun too isn’t a bad runner-up.
Adam: I think there is a mixed bag on here of what people want. I think you are hot. And… you love wine so that’s a win.
Me: You’re pretty cute yourself. So, what are you looking for on here? And yes, I’m a wine fan.
Adam: So, I’m very open to meeting someone on here that could turn into something serious. I guess I just never imagined meeting my wife on tinder.

Blah, blah, blah… we talked about sides of town, hobbies, etc. Then this weekend I get this…

Adam: FYI. I’m prob getting off this tinder thing. I think my motives were pretty shallow in joining.
Me: Haha! Okay then! So, no drink?
Adam: I’m just not sure.
Me: Wanna give me more info?

This was yesterday. This morning he had disappeared from my matches. Are you singing “another one bites the dust” like I am right now? #newthemesong

Last, but not least, we have Chuck. 32 and oh so nice, yet oh so far away.

Chuck: Well hello there! You seem like you could be very genuine and sweet and you wear that smile so well. What’s your favorite ice cream and why? (You guys, he seriously wanted to know what kind of ice cream I like. It’s not a sexual innuendo!)
Me: I’m a McConnell’s mint chip kinda girl. It’s tastes how ice cream is supposed to taste. You?
Chuck: Haha! Nice! I like Rocky Road because I love peanuts and the marshmallows set it off (Now as I write this, this convo makes us seem like we’re in the 5th grade.) I’d love to take you out sometime. When’s the last time you had yourself a fun and respectful date?
Me: I honestly can’t remember! How sad is that? Where in LA are you?
Chuck: Burbank. Wait… where are you?
Me: Santa Monica.
Chuck: Ohhhh! I didn’t realize until JUST NOW that this app searches in relation to your “current” location as opposed to where you live. I live in AZ. I’m here in Burbank at the airport heading home from a work trip.
Me: Well, there you go! You were far too nice and tame to be in LA. Good luck finding love in AZ and safe travels!
Chuck: Well, this sucks! You seem very sweet.

And there you have it. My dating life is not starting a bang. It’s starting with a thud… but, at least it’s active!

If you have any good dating gems I want to hear them! Email me! mylifeonmatch@gmail.com

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New Year, New Soundtrack… And Up We Go!

by Emily Macintosh on January 8, 2015

New year, new soundtrack… music is what I turn to when I want to dance, cry, scream, chill, clean, make-out or just drive.  Here are a few new jams to get your year started right.

WORD.

Something is got to give
Everyone here is ready to go
It’s been a hard year with nothing to show
From down this road
It’s only on we go, on we go
Everyone here is ready to go
It’s been a hard year, and I only know
From down this low
It’s only up we go, up we go

And who doesn’t love cut boys in pink shirts?

Dance like no one is watching this year… because they’re not. They’re looking at their phones.

xoxo,
Em

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No, no, no… That Did NOT Just Happen!

by Emily Macintosh on December 29, 2014

Sometimes the most embarrassing thing ever happens to you and you need to tell everyone about it…

In my year of extreme rejection (cheating boyfriend, the “I’m just not that into” text, etc.) you just need to put on your big girl panties and deal. But, this can’t happen before one more mortifying thing happens to you. It’s like the nail in the coffin of 2014.

shoshray

My brother-in-law’s best friend (Bob) is great. He’s cute, successful and a total catch. He’ll be a great husband and an even better father. Now that we’re older, my entire family is convinced that we would be perfect together. We occasionally cuddle on a drunken eve, but there are no feelings there. I think he’s great, but I know too much. I’m sure he feels the same way.

This year he spent Christmas with us. In a total Bob move, he got us all gifts. Nice guy, right? The day after Christmas I texted him a bunch of pictures from that night. Him with the kids, him with the boys, etc. This is how the texting went…

Me: Here are some pics! So glad you got to spend Xmas with us. You were a big hit! Can you send me your address pls? (for thank you notes)
B: Hey! Thanks for those pics. My address is XX.
Me: You’re welcome! Hope the rest of your holiday was good. I’m heading over to my sister’s later to see if my nephew can hit the ball off the tee I got him.
B: Awesome! I’m sure he’ll be hitting  home runs.

2 seconds later:
B: Do you have a bathing suit?
Me: Like with me here? Yes. Why?
B: My parents are out-of-town (remember we’re all “home” for the holidays). They have a nice hot tub. Interested?
Me: (A million things are going through my head, but mostly – this is weird.) Sure. When? And this is totally your tinder line, huh? ☺

7 minutes later:
B: Oh my gosh. (horror emoji) I’m SO embarrassed. That was meant for the girl I’m going out with tonight. And I did not meet her on Tinder.
Me: (I WANT TO DIE!!!) Well, there you go! Haha! Happy dating. And hot tubbing. Can’t wait to tell my sister about this!
B: Oh man.
Me: Don’t worry. I couldn’t feel dumber if I tried. Fun times!
B: Let’s just pretend this never happened.
Me: Ha! NO. Everything happens for a reason.

oh… Then this happened this morning on OkCupid.

23-year-old: You’re way too beautiful for me not to message…
Me: Thank you! Good luck with your search!
23-year-old: You’re a little too old for me, but I might make an exception here and there.
Me: You’re still WAY TOO YOUNG FOR ME.

Rejected and old. See ya 2014. It’s been real.

xoxo.

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Online Dating… Are We All Just Really Window Shopping?

by Emily Macintosh on December 15, 2014

Now that I’m back at it in the online dating world, I’ve started taking a closer look at my online dating patterns. Is it just the holiday months that make me feel like online dating is similar to window shopping or is that really what we’re all doing?

best-date-not

I’ve always said I think it’s hard to date around the holidays. People are feeling lonely, physically cold, frustrated that they are ending their year alone, but aren’t ready to jump into anything serious. Who wants to buy a gift for someone they’ve been dating for 2 weeks?

So, I don’t know if it’s the time of year or just the general outlook on dating now, but I feel like even when we’ve found someone that has some promise we’re all out there looking for the next best thing…

I remember being in high school and shopping for a dress for Homecoming. It was summer and I found an amazing dress while we were on vacation in San Francisco. My mom insisted that I get the dress. I told her it was bad luck to get the dress… if I had a dress, then I was jinxing myself and no one would ask me! Also, what if I found something better? In this instance, my mom was the wise one. I got the dress, got asked to Homecoming and it all worked out. But, if it was up to me, I would have been shopping for the perfect dress the morning of the dance.

I’m starting to feel like this is the exact same thing happening in the dating world. As I wrote a few weeks ago, I got set up on an amazing date.  (We went on 3 more dates until he blew me off via text message right after Thanksgiving – post to come!)  While we were hanging out I was struggling with whether or not I should be swiping right while I was just starting to date this new guy. We hadn’t had any talks about being exclusive, hadn’t slept together, and had only gone out a few times, but I continued to question… should I just be content with this going well in my life or should I be looking for something else if this doesn’t work out?

This post is feeling very Sex and The City with all the questions, but really… should we settle when we think we’re in a good place or should be looking for something better in case it doesn’t work out? BTW, I know what the answer is and what I should do, but honestly, how does everyone else deal with this situation? So far nothing has worked out, so is looking (not necessarily acting on anything, just looking) really harmful? Sound off below. I’m eager to hear your thoughts on this one.

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So sorry for the lack of posts… my life has been all about work these past few weeks. In fact I saw an astrologer last night who told me the next year is ALL ABOUT WORK and to forget about love completely. Then she told me to get started on my book… WHAT? So, there you go. If you don’t hear from me it’s because I’m working. And not dating. And probably writing a book.

She also told me the new guy I just started dating isn’t the one for me. Fun times. 2015 can’t get here fast enough!

Without further ado, please download these songs, turn up the volume and ROCK THE EFF OUT. If these songs don’t put you in a kick ass mood, I’m not sure what will!

Um, hello? Don’t you want to just start dancing on the corner like a crazy street performer? YES.

Dance it out people. DANCE. IT. OUT.

xxoo.

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When Should He/She Meet Your Family? (Family Blind Dinner Date)

by Emily Macintosh on November 12, 2014

If you’re anything like me, you keep your new man/woman far away from your family as long as possible. Back in my 20s, I would date for someone for a month or so before introducing them to at least my sister and her husband. Now, that I’m in my 30s I’m pretty sure I would be okay with my potential soulmate not meeting my family until our rehearsal dinner.  Hey, if I’m happy they should just be happy for me, right?

WRONG.

Family and friends are really important. I’ve now learned that they are a good judge of character. Both of yours and your new friend’s. People around you can pick up on little things that you can’t… like:
– Do you act like yourself around this new love?
– Does this person bring out the best of your or the worst?
– Do they like this person as much as you do?
– Are they seeing any red flags with the way you interact together?

BlindDateWithFortuneCookies-53755

So, when my brother-in-law told me he had a “family blind dinner date” planned I lost my shit. What is a family blind dinner date you ask? It’s where my two brother-in-laws (who are best friends) find a guy they like and invite him over for family dinner on a Sunday afternoon. This dinner consists of the boys, my sisters and my niece and nephew. FAMILY BLIND DINNER DATE. WTF. OMG. No, this has never happened before, so I was a little nervous. I love my family, but together we are a HANDFUL. So, when I got a text message that in two weeks this event would be taking place several things were going thru my head…

1. What kind of guy would agree to this?
2. He must be insane.
3. No, seriously, why would someone agree to this? No, really… WHY?

Two different people wanted to set me up with this guy, so I was feeling good about it, but still what a crazy way to meet me! I was a little stressed the day of the date.  My sisters normally don’t see me on dates so I was pretty sure they were going scrutinize what I was wearing, how I was acting, what I was saying, etc. So, on the day of the date I tried to play it cool. I wore jeans, booties and a blouse. Nothing fancy. We were having tacos and I have a drooly 16-month-old nephew so I wasn’t wearing my date best. I got there a half-hour early to help my sister get things ready. BD (blind date) showed up on time. He rings the doorbell and my brother-in-law who set this whole thing says, “hey! There’s Emily. The one you’re here to meet.”

Unfortunately, there was no hole for me to crawl into so I said hi, blushed, sweated thru my silk blouse and died a little. This was going to be a long night. How do you get to know someone when all of the adults there know this is a “date” and keep leaving the room, but the kids just see someone new and want to play with him? You improvise. At one point I had been drinking water to fill awkward pauses and was seriously going to pee my pants… it was just us and the kids. I asked if he was okay with them alone, put the baby on his lap and told him to not drop him and if he did to blame it on the 4-yr-old. Less the 5 minutes later the 3 of them are playing like they had just adopted a new uncle.

We ate dinner as a family, all chatted, had a few drinks, watched as the baby covered himself in beans and my niece devoured her dessert. It was actually all very normal and pretty stress free once we got through the weirdness.

A few hours later, he was getting ready to go. Everyone hugged, said this was fun, numbers were exchanged and I walked him to the door. I asked him why he would ever agree to this. His response, “It’s best to see what you’re getting yourself into as soon as possible. So far, so good.”

And everything is still so far, so good. Second date was obviously better than the first. Movie, a few drinks and dinner. It was a real date. It had been so long since I had gone on a real date I had forgotten how nice they can be when you actually enjoy the person you’re with.  So, I’m back to thinking there is hope for me and men again… only time and a third date will tell.

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Online Dating: New York Vs Los Angeles

November 6, 2014

I went to New York last month for both work and fun. The work part was crazy. I was booked solid, but I made time to finally to do all of the things in New York I had been wanting to do. I went to the 9/11 Memorial (amazing), checked out Grand Central Station, and […]

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November Soundtrack to My Life: Flaws, All Right, & Take Me To Church

November 5, 2014

Work has seriously taken over my life, so I apologize for the lack of updates! But, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a soundtrack I’m currently rockin’. Obsessed with this song! Zac Brown Band and Dave Grohl? Ah-mazing. If you aren’t familiar with Hozier yet, get out from under the rock you’re living and take […]

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The Post Date Text… Save Face or Man Up?

October 20, 2014

I’m baaack… after my traumatic break-up that was worst than a lifetime movie, I have finally returned to the real world and starting dating again. Friends have been really great with several of them wanting to set me up. After this past year I decided that it would be best to be totally open to anything […]

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