When Should He/She Meet Your Family? (Family Blind Dinner Date)

by Emily Macintosh on November 12, 2014

If you’re anything like me, you keep your new man/woman far away from your family as long as possible. Back in my 20s, I would date for someone for a month or so before introducing them to at least my sister and her husband. Now, that I’m in my 30s I’m pretty sure I would be okay with my potential soulmate not meeting my family until our rehearsal dinner.  Hey, if I’m happy they should just be happy for me, right?

WRONG.

Family and friends are really important. I’ve now learned that they are a good judge of character. Both of yours and your new friend’s. People around you can pick up on little things that you can’t… like:
– Do you act like yourself around this new love?
– Does this person bring out the best of your or the worst?
– Do they like this person as much as you do?
– Are they seeing any red flags with the way you interact together?

BlindDateWithFortuneCookies-53755

So, when my brother-in-law told me he had a “family blind dinner date” planned I lost my shit. What is a family blind dinner date you ask? It’s where my two brother-in-laws (who are best friends) find a guy they like and invite him over for family dinner on a Sunday afternoon. This dinner consists of the boys, my sisters and my niece and nephew. FAMILY BLIND DINNER DATE. WTF. OMG. No, this has never happened before, so I was a little nervous. I love my family, but together we are a HANDFUL. So, when I got a text message that in two weeks this event would be taking place several things were going thru my head…

1. What kind of guy would agree to this?
2. He must be insane.
3. No, seriously, why would someone agree to this? No, really… WHY?

Two different people wanted to set me up with this guy, so I was feeling good about it, but still what a crazy way to meet me! I was a little stressed the day of the date.  My sisters normally don’t see me on dates so I was pretty sure they were going scrutinize what I was wearing, how I was acting, what I was saying, etc. So, on the day of the date I tried to play it cool. I wore jeans, booties and a blouse. Nothing fancy. We were having tacos and I have a drooly 16-month-old nephew so I wasn’t wearing my date best. I got there a half-hour early to help my sister get things ready. BD (blind date) showed up on time. He rings the doorbell and my brother-in-law who set this whole thing says, “hey! There’s Emily. The one you’re here to meet.”

Unfortunately, there was no hole for me to crawl into so I said hi, blushed, sweated thru my silk blouse and died a little. This was going to be a long night. How do you get to know someone when all of the adults there know this is a “date” and keep leaving the room, but the kids just see someone new and want to play with him? You improvise. At one point I had been drinking water to fill awkward pauses and was seriously going to pee my pants… it was just us and the kids. I asked if he was okay with them alone, put the baby on his lap and told him to not drop him and if he did to blame it on the 4-yr-old. Less the 5 minutes later the 3 of them are playing like they had just adopted a new uncle.

We ate dinner as a family, all chatted, had a few drinks, watched as the baby covered himself in beans and my niece devoured her dessert. It was actually all very normal and pretty stress free once we got through the weirdness.

A few hours later, he was getting ready to go. Everyone hugged, said this was fun, numbers were exchanged and I walked him to the door. I asked him why he would ever agree to this. His response, “It’s best to see what you’re getting yourself into as soon as possible. So far, so good.”

And everything is still so far, so good. Second date was obviously better than the first. Movie, a few drinks and dinner. It was a real date. It had been so long since I had gone on a real date I had forgotten how nice they can be when you actually enjoy the person you’re with.  So, I’m back to thinking there is hope for me and men again… only time and a third date will tell.

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Online Dating: New York Vs Los Angeles

by Emily Macintosh on November 6, 2014

I went to New York last month for both work and fun. The work part was crazy. I was booked solid, but I made time to finally to do all of the things in New York I had been wanting to do. I went to the 9/11 Memorial (amazing), checked out Grand Central Station, and even hit up a Broadway play solo. While I was there, I obviously needed to dabble in the online dating scene as well!

I landed on a Tuesday night and opened up OkCupid on the cab ride over. I wanted to see what New York had to offer a single woman in her 30s. The answer is A LOT.  Now, I’m a moron and decided to pay for the lameness that is OkCupid for 6 months to see if it would make a difference in matches. It doesn’t, but you can search anonymously and you can see who “likes” you in their “quick match section copied directly from Tinder.”

Note: In the week prior to going to New York about 40 people had “liked” me while I was at home in Los Angeles.

I reopened the app Tuesday around 11:30pm after I had gotten home from dinner and my jaw hit the floor. 394 men had “liked” me.  Say what?? 394!!!  It was more than I could handle. I had 16 messages (25% isn’t bad!). The thought of going to sleep with all of these unread messages stressed me out.  While I am never dating someone who doesn’t live within driving distance again, I was loving all of the attention!

So, instead of checking my email or FB one last time and hitting the hay, I was up for the next 2 hours reading messages and looking at profiles. I’ve got to give credit where it is due… Men of New York, you are bold! You say what you want and you go after it! I got a lot of “you’re cute! Time for a drink while you’re in NYC?”  Many of them had even read my profile and commented about something I wrote in their messages to me. MIND. BLOWN.

During my 5 days in New York I had nearly 1500 “likes” and 52  messages. The following week I returned to LA and got 16 “likes” in one week and the following messages:

(Spelling and grammar preserved for your reading enjoyment! I swear to you these are all 100% real.)

Guy 1: Hi there. Mike
Guy 2: Hi princess :) may I step into ur lil world 4 a lil while?
Guy 3: Oh wow! your really sexy, the things we can do together :)
Guy 4: you’re getting a spankin!
Guy 5: Hey, how are you? Like my private plane?

So, men in the online dating world take note… New York: 1. LA: 0.

Men of LA, it’s your move.

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Work has seriously taken over my life, so I apologize for the lack of updates! But, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a soundtrack I’m currently rockin’.

Obsessed with this song!

Zac Brown Band and Dave Grohl? Ah-mazing.

If you aren’t familiar with Hozier yet, get out from under the rock you’re living and take a listen.

Working on a bunch of blogs! Hope to post again Friday. Happy November peeps! xoxo

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The Post Date Text… Save Face or Man Up?

by Emily Macintosh on October 20, 2014

I’m baaack… after my traumatic break-up that was worst than a lifetime movie, I have finally returned to the real world and starting dating again. Friends have been really great with several of them wanting to set me up. After this past year I decided that it would be best to be totally open to anything and everything. I found a guy who met everything on “my list” and he turned out to be a sociopath, so at this point I really have nothing to lose!

A good girlfriend from college set me up with her 2nd cousin. We texted a little (I was out of town, he was busy) and finally met for dinner last week. I wanted to do drinks, he insisted on dinner. I knew VERY little about him before we met. Just that he was a little bit older (my friend had sent me a picture) and that he’s related to my girlfriend.

So, Friday night comes along. I’m not feeling this date at all so I stick with a very chill outfit (distressed skinnies, silk blouse, black booties and a leather jacket) and head out. The night goes like this…

8:00pm – I arrive. He texts… he’s running 10 mins late. All of the people in the very busy restaurant look at me like the sad 30-something girl who is getting stood up.

8:15pm – Date arrives. He has MUCH less hair than he did in his pic and is VERY grey… how old is he??

8:30pm – Date is 46! 11 years older than me and went to the same school AT THE SAME TIME as my dad’s wife. Date orders wine. A BOTTLE of wine. Apparently I’m stuck here for a while.

8:45pm – Date then orders several appetizers without asking me what I like to eat. Okay, then… Date tops off my wine.

9:00pm – Date tops off my wine. Unlike my fun self, I’m really not drinking very much!

9:15pm – Date tops off my wine.

9:30pm – Date tries to top off my wine. I pout the rest of the bottle in his glass.

10:00pm – Great convo, but it’s time to wrap this party up. The restaurant is now empty.

10:15pm – Date insists on walking me to my car on the 4th story of a huge parking structure he’s not parked in. Very sweet, but also a little creepy. He insists that I text him when I get home since I had “half a bottle of wine.” I say thanks and hug him goodbye. He kinda leans in, I hop in the car.

10:30pm – Text date “I’m home! Thanks again!” He responds with “really fun night!”

Sunday – Date texts “small talk, blah… How’s your week looking? Are you up for dinner again some night?”

My response – “small talk, blah… I really enjoyed our date, but don’t think there’s a love connection there. How would you feel about me setting you up sometime? I have a ton of gorgeous, amazing and successful friends I’d love to introduce you to. Let me know and I hope you have a great week!”

Date – “Hi. I feel the same way about the connection – really glad you agree. I’m definitely OK with a setup. I’ll return the favor if I can think of anyone who would be a good fit. It’s been a pleasure to meet you.”

Ok… so was I a bitch for stating there wasn’t a love connection? Was he a dick for agreeing with me or was he just saving face? Why ask me out again if you didn’t like me? I’ve been dating for A LONG TIME, but shit like this drives me nuts. Thoughts?

make-backup-plan

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Every Woman Should Do a Boudoir Shoot… For Herself!

by Emily Macintosh on September 11, 2014

This has been a crazy summer… I went through a traumatic break-up, got rid of some toxic people in my life, and turned 35. Over the last couple of years I’ve realized that when you look good, you feel good and vice versa. I really took control of my health and fitness – stepping it up with boot camp and spinning, and eating healthy portions of good food (so I can make room for additional cocktails and bottles of wine). Due to these physical and emotional changes in my life, I’ve never looked or physically felt better naked. My boobs might be a little lower than they used to be and I might have a wrinkle or two, but I’ve never felt sexier in my own skin than I do right now.

So, after the crazy break-up, losing 10lbs, and being on the verge of turning 35, I decided that this year I was going to do one thing that was out of my comfort zone every month. I started in August to kick the year off right and decided that since I was skinny (and probably wouldn’t stay this way for long!) I wanted to take pictures that I could look back on when I was in my 70s and say “damn girl”!

Kelly Ripa was also an influence… every time a new celebrity has a naked picture leaked she says “I wish I took naked pictures of myself when I was in my 20s before kids! I would’ve leaked them to the media myself!” So, I took her cue and thought a boudoir shoot might be fun.

The process:
I looked EVERYWHERE for a good boudoir photographer in Los Angeles. You’d think this would be easy, but it was really hard. I started by asking friends, wedding planners, etc. and no one had any personal experience with one. Then I took to Google and all that came up were a bunch of pin-up boudoir studios which was not the look I was going for. I wanted clean and classy – think a modern hotel with a white bed and hardwood floors.

56043b7f888ef57857de0aed5bf869b9(Pin-up Boudoir. Still really pretty, but not my jam.)

So, I went to yelp and clicked through almost 20 websites before I found 3 photographers that looked promising. I really wanted someone who had a studio (so I didn’t have to pay for a hotel or do it in my home), someone who included hair and makeup, and someone who would give me a disk of all of the images after the shoot (so hard to find these days!). From there, I spoke with each individual photographer, looked at their pintrest boards, wheeled and dealed to stay within budget, and ended up choosing a newer photographer on the boudoir scene. I explained to her that I was doing this shoot solely for myself. She was thrilled to work with someone who wasn’t doing a shoot as a wedding or anniversary gift and sent me a ton of ideas for clothing and looks. After our first few email exchanges I knew I had made the right choice.

Screen shot 2014-09-10 at 3.48.35 PM(Images I sent to my photographer. I recreated all of these!
The white shirt and cream lace undies photos were my favorites.)

The week of the shoot:
I kept telling myself to not eat after 4pm, have no dessert, and work out everyday that week… well, that obviously didn’t happen. I had ice cream and a glass of wine the night before. Oh well!

Some tips that are lifesavers.
* Get your hair colored/cut a week or two before. Don’t make any drastic changes to your hair. You want to look like you!
* Get your nails done the day before.
* Get a tan! Tan fat is better than white fat! But, make sure to not have any tan lines. They are a pain to photoshop and don’t look good in pics.
* Don’t pick at your face. A zit is really easy to cover up with makeup. A scab is not!
* Get your ideas together. Send your photographer images that you like. While I loved the looks my photographer had done with other women in the past, there were a few I found online that I loved and she ended up really liking too!
* Get your “looks” together. This includes hair and makeup. Come with lots of options. In some pictures my hair was up and some it was down. I brought a ton of outfit options and went with a couple that I thought would only be backups. Mix it up and go outside your comfort zone, but I still recommend steering towards classic colors and pieces. You can never go wrong. I ended up going with a black lace bra and undies combo, a cream lace bra and undies duo (ended up being one of my favorite looks), a black off the shoulder tee and black and white undies, and a men’s white dress shirt (that I got from Forever 21 for $15!) and black undies. (Yup, undies! Sorry, I despise the word panties!)
* Lastly, make/bring your own playlist. My photographer said she had a great one, but in reality it was really much more for brides than me.

The shoot!
I’m not going to lie. I was pretty nervous. I did my shoot on a Friday and took the whole day off of work to dedicate to myself. This was a day where I was going to get my “sexy back.” This shoot was for me and I wanted to enjoy myself!

When I arrived at the shoot the photographer and I chatted for a few minutes and she showed me her studio and attached bathroom where I would set up shop. I laid out all of my clothing options and then got ready for hair and makeup. The makeup girl worked with the photographer often and had been given the looks I was interested in. I had sent a few hair pictures that I had found online and then a couple of pictures of me with the hope of looking like a “sexier, but still classic, me.” She hit the nail on the head. She bumped up all of my positive features, threw a pair of lashes on me, gave my bob a little volume and told me to have fun.

Ok… now was the time to strip down! I’m not a modest person at all and changed in front of the girls showing them two black bra and undies options. We made a decision and next thing I know, I was in the middle of a huge white bed with my head hanging over the end and my legs posed to perfection. After each series of shots, the photographer showed me a few images to see if I liked what she was doing and if there was anything I wanted to change.

Once I got comfortable and changed a few times, I figured out which poses made me look skinny and busty at the same time and which positions made me look like a whale. I told her if I got 5 great pictures out of this I would be satisfied. Three hours later, I was heading home confident and reeling over what I had just done.

A week later she sent me the proofs. Like I had seen from her camera during the shoot, there were some amazing shots and there were some that I didn’t love. I chose my favorites and got some feedback from some girlfriends (who were all jealous!) and within a week had a book to review. While there were some things I would have loved for her to photoshop out, I told her to only fix my tan line. I really wanted to remember exactly what I looked like, not what I would look like photoshopped.

I just got the book and the CD. What am I going to do with it and these pictures? NO clue. Some images I can crop and I’ll have gorgeous headshots I can use on some online dating sites. Maybe someday I’ll show the racier ones to a new boyfriend. But, I know when I’m feeling down I can look at these pictures and think, “Damn girl, you look good.” Knowing I did this for me and not someone else really is the best part. Definitely feeling confident and sexy as I start this new year of life only looking ahead at what’s to come. Xoxo.

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I recently turned 35 (gasp!). A new age bracket, a grey hair or two (that I will color until I die!), and some new smile lines that show how much I have enjoyed and lived life. Keep in mind, moisturizer, working out, and wine are my fountain of youth and according to most I still look 28! But no matter what is happening in my life music gets me through it all.

Right now I can’t stop listening to this song… a bad girl phase is coming on!

Good girls say no, bad girls say I’m there. Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere… I’m in a bad girl phase.

I just love this song too… open your windows, drive fast, and let your hair blow in the wind with this song playing LOUD.

Here’s to a new year!

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The Other Woman: Part 6 – 3 vs 1

by Emily Macintosh on September 2, 2014

Other-Woman-Style-1

(Yup, I’m still Kate Upton in all of this!)

Are you caught up? Make sure to read Parts 1-5 first!

The days after LDC’s world came crashing down on him were horrible for everyone involved. The girls and I talked a lot – comparing timelines, sending emails, etc. LDC was an obvious disaster and because he now had NO ONE to turn to, he turned to me. (Yet, another red flag… NO FRIENDS!) I know that our relationship was based on a friendship at the core, but come on… after cheating on someone and getting caught in the act (more than once) would you really think any of these women are going to be there for you and your broken heart?

I felt like I owed A & B for saving me what could have been a lot more pain. I’m not going to lie… if they hadn’t contacted me I’m confident that he would have said things just didn’t work out with B and that he wanted to give our relationship another try. And, to be honest, I probably would have let that happen. But, now I knew everything and had the friend card in my back pocket in case it needed to be played. I knew LDC had no one to talk to and I would be the one he would call… and he did. A LOT.

At one point he was spilling his guts to me about his family’s response to this whole situation (what they knew from him… which we all know is bullshit and the little that A had told LDC’s mom) and I was texting A the entire convo as it was happening. It felt good that I could share this information with her and try to give her some feedback, closure – whatever it is she needed. 

The summer was hard. There were many times when I actually thought I might be able to be friends with LDC. He’d message and call me and it felt good to know he was thinking about me. Again, with our relationship being based mainly on communication, a lot of the time it felt like nothing had really changed. But at the same time I now knew he was lying and manipulating me and our situation. New girls were commenting on his fb and instagram posts. I know he can’t be alone and that he can’t go more than a week fucking someone, so I knew in my gut he had moved on and this “woe is me” story was all a lie too.

A & B were my rocks throughout this whole situation. I felt bad. They had endured this insanity for years. I had only experienced it for a few months. But, in the end, it was amazing that we had each other. Telling my friends this story just made me feel more stupid. How could I have gotten caught up in so much drama? Why didn’t I bail when I saw the red flags? How could I have been so easily manipulated? With A & B I wasn’t alone. I had two other extremely intelligent and beautiful women to commiserate with. Every time LDC tried to suck me back in they were there to remind me to not let that happen.

This brings me to today… this story has been getting a lot of attention. A lot of people have been reading about what a sociopath LDC is and everyone (for the most part!) has been extremely supportive. All I can really say is thank you! Thank you for being so amazing and allowing me to tell my story. I’ve thought about it a lot, have been writing a ton, and think I might turn this into a book. Just think… these posts are just the cliff notes. Would you want to read about the details? Do you want to know what happens to LDC and the court case with Sarah? Do you want to hear about the girls night out A, B and I have in New York? Do you want to read about when I played my friend card and what happened when I finally unfriended and blocked LDC from everything?

I’m hoping the answer is yes! So, I’m going to keep writing. And writing. And writing. And transcribing all the fucked up fb, gchat, and text conversations we had over our relationship. I have some really exciting things planned for 2015. Did you know my real name isn’t Emily? Yup… 2015 might be a big year for us all. Thoughts?

Ps. A & B saw LDC on OkCupid. Ladies of New York beware.

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When A Girl Finds Out Her BF is on Match…

August 18, 2014

So, apparently I have no cheater filter. I’m even attracted to them online. Last week I posted some of the gems I was receiving from men through Match and OkCupid. I mentioned that I had talked to 2 seemingly normal guys and that there was one guy and I messaged back and forth a couple […]

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WTF Are These Guys Thinking? BAD 1st Online Dating Emails…

August 12, 2014

Post my lifetime movie break-up I have finally rejoined the land of the living and jumped back into online dating in a major way. I’m currently on Tinder, Hinge, Match and OkCupid. It’s a fucking full-time job!  But, don’t get too excited… in the 2 weeks I’ve been on I’ve received several cringe worthy messages. […]

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Soundtrack To My Life… Done, 15 Minutes of Shame, Be My Forever

August 1, 2014

It’s August and I’m getting all of my ex-bf angst out of the way!  A couple of songs I’m loving right now… We are Done by the Madden Brothers. I adore them both. Yeah, this blog is about you… 15 Minutes of Shame by Kristy Lee Cook (an oldie, but goodie!) Best lyrics ever? Um, […]

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