Every Woman Should Do a Boudoir Shoot… For Herself!

by Emily Macintosh on September 11, 2014

This has been a crazy summer… I went through a traumatic break-up, got rid of some toxic people in my life, and turned 35. Over the last couple of years I’ve realized that when you look good, you feel good and vice versa. I really took control of my health and fitness – stepping it up with boot camp and spinning, and eating healthy portions of good food (so I can make room for additional cocktails and bottles of wine). Due to these physical and emotional changes in my life, I’ve never looked or physically felt better naked. My boobs might be a little lower than they used to be and I might have a wrinkle or two, but I’ve never felt sexier in my own skin than I do right now.

So, after the crazy break-up, losing 10lbs, and being on the verge of turning 35, I decided that this year I was going to do one thing that was out of my comfort zone every month. I started in August to kick the year off right and decided that since I was skinny (and probably wouldn’t stay this way for long!) I wanted to take pictures that I could look back on when I was in my 70s and say “damn girl”!

Kelly Ripa was also an influence… every time a new celebrity has a naked picture leaked she says “I wish I took naked pictures of myself when I was in my 20s before kids! I would’ve leaked them to the media myself!” So, I took her cue and thought a boudoir shoot might be fun.

The process:
I looked EVERYWHERE for a good boudoir photographer in Los Angeles. You’d think this would be easy, but it was really hard. I started by asking friends, wedding planners, etc. and no one had any personal experience with one. Then I took to Google and all that came up were a bunch of pin-up boudoir studios which was not the look I was going for. I wanted clean and classy – think a modern hotel with a white bed and hardwood floors.

56043b7f888ef57857de0aed5bf869b9(Pin-up Boudoir. Still really pretty, but not my jam.)

So, I went to yelp and clicked through almost 20 websites before I found 3 photographers that looked promising. I really wanted someone who had a studio (so I didn’t have to pay for a hotel or do it in my home), someone who included hair and makeup, and someone who would give me a disk of all of the images after the shoot (so hard to find these days!). From there, I spoke with each individual photographer, looked at their pintrest boards, wheeled and dealed to stay within budget, and ended up choosing a newer photographer on the boudoir scene. I explained to her that I was doing this shoot solely for myself. She was thrilled to work with someone who wasn’t doing a shoot as a wedding or anniversary gift and sent me a ton of ideas for clothing and looks. After our first few email exchanges I knew I had made the right choice.

Screen shot 2014-09-10 at 3.48.35 PM(Images I sent to my photographer. I recreated all of these!
The white shirt and cream lace undies photos were my favorites.)

The week of the shoot:
I kept telling myself to not eat after 4pm, have no dessert, and work out everyday that week… well, that obviously didn’t happen. I had ice cream and a glass of wine the night before. Oh well!

Some tips that are lifesavers.
* Get your hair colored/cut a week or two before. Don’t make any drastic changes to your hair. You want to look like you!
* Get your nails done the day before.
* Get a tan! Tan fat is better than white fat! But, make sure to not have any tan lines. They are a pain to photoshop and don’t look good in pics.
* Don’t pick at your face. A zit is really easy to cover up with makeup. A scab is not!
* Get your ideas together. Send your photographer images that you like. While I loved the looks my photographer had done with other women in the past, there were a few I found online that I loved and she ended up really liking too!
* Get your “looks” together. This includes hair and makeup. Come with lots of options. In some pictures my hair was up and some it was down. I brought a ton of outfit options and went with a couple that I thought would only be backups. Mix it up and go outside your comfort zone, but I still recommend steering towards classic colors and pieces. You can never go wrong. I ended up going with a black lace bra and undies combo, a cream lace bra and undies duo (ended up being one of my favorite looks), a black off the shoulder tee and black and white undies, and a men’s white dress shirt (that I got from Forever 21 for $15!) and black undies. (Yup, undies! Sorry, I despise the word panties!)
* Lastly, make/bring your own playlist. My photographer said she had a great one, but in reality it was really much more for brides than me.

The shoot!
I’m not going to lie. I was pretty nervous. I did my shoot on a Friday and took the whole day off of work to dedicate to myself. This was a day where I was going to get my “sexy back.” This shoot was for me and I wanted to enjoy myself!

When I arrived at the shoot the photographer and I chatted for a few minutes and she showed me her studio and attached bathroom where I would set up shop. I laid out all of my clothing options and then got ready for hair and makeup. The makeup girl worked with the photographer often and had been given the looks I was interested in. I had sent a few hair pictures that I had found online and then a couple of pictures of me with the hope of looking like a “sexier, but still classic, me.” She hit the nail on the head. She bumped up all of my positive features, threw a pair of lashes on me, gave my bob a little volume and told me to have fun.

Ok… now was the time to strip down! I’m not a modest person at all and changed in front of the girls showing them two black bra and undies options. We made a decision and next thing I know, I was in the middle of a huge white bed with my head hanging over the end and my legs posed to perfection. After each series of shots, the photographer showed me a few images to see if I liked what she was doing and if there was anything I wanted to change.

Once I got comfortable and changed a few times, I figured out which poses made me look skinny and busty at the same time and which positions made me look like a whale. I told her if I got 5 great pictures out of this I would be satisfied. Three hours later, I was heading home confident and reeling over what I had just done.

A week later she sent me the proofs. Like I had seen from her camera during the shoot, there were some amazing shots and there were some that I didn’t love. I chose my favorites and got some feedback from some girlfriends (who were all jealous!) and within a week had a book to review. While there were some things I would have loved for her to photoshop out, I told her to only fix my tan line. I really wanted to remember exactly what I looked like, not what I would look like photoshopped.

I just got the book and the CD. What am I going to do with it and these pictures? NO clue. Some images I can crop and I’ll have gorgeous headshots I can use on some online dating sites. Maybe someday I’ll show the racier ones to a new boyfriend. But, I know when I’m feeling down I can look at these pictures and think, “Damn girl, you look good.” Knowing I did this for me and not someone else really is the best part. Definitely feeling confident and sexy as I start this new year of life only looking ahead at what’s to come. Xoxo.

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I recently turned 35 (gasp!). A new age bracket, a grey hair or two (that I will color until I die!), and some new smile lines that show how much I have enjoyed and lived life. Keep in mind, moisturizer, working out, and wine are my fountain of youth and according to most I still look 28! But no matter what is happening in my life music gets me through it all.

Right now I can’t stop listening to this song… a bad girl phase is coming on!

Good girls say no, bad girls say I’m there. Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere… I’m in a bad girl phase.

I just love this song too… open your windows, drive fast, and let your hair blow in the wind with this song playing LOUD.

Here’s to a new year!

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The Other Woman: Part 6 – 3 vs 1

by Emily Macintosh on September 2, 2014

Other-Woman-Style-1

(Yup, I’m still Kate Upton in all of this!)

Are you caught up? Make sure to read Parts 1-5 first!

The days after LDC’s world came crashing down on him were horrible for everyone involved. The girls and I talked a lot – comparing timelines, sending emails, etc. LDC was an obvious disaster and because he now had NO ONE to turn to, he turned to me. (Yet, another red flag… NO FRIENDS!) I know that our relationship was based on a friendship at the core, but come on… after cheating on someone and getting caught in the act (more than once) would you really think any of these women are going to be there for you and your broken heart?

I felt like I owed A & B for saving me what could have been a lot more pain. I’m not going to lie… if they hadn’t contacted me I’m confident that he would have said things just didn’t work out with B and that he wanted to give our relationship another try. And, to be honest, I probably would have let that happen. But, now I knew everything and had the friend card in my back pocket in case it needed to be played. I knew LDC had no one to talk to and I would be the one he would call… and he did. A LOT.

At one point he was spilling his guts to me about his family’s response to this whole situation (what they knew from him… which we all know is bullshit and the little that A had told LDC’s mom) and I was texting A the entire convo as it was happening. It felt good that I could share this information with her and try to give her some feedback, closure – whatever it is she needed. 

The summer was hard. There were many times when I actually thought I might be able to be friends with LDC. He’d message and call me and it felt good to know he was thinking about me. Again, with our relationship being based mainly on communication, a lot of the time it felt like nothing had really changed. But at the same time I now knew he was lying and manipulating me and our situation. New girls were commenting on his fb and instagram posts. I know he can’t be alone and that he can’t go more than a week fucking someone, so I knew in my gut he had moved on and this “woe is me” story was all a lie too.

A & B were my rocks throughout this whole situation. I felt bad. They had endured this insanity for years. I had only experienced it for a few months. But, in the end, it was amazing that we had each other. Telling my friends this story just made me feel more stupid. How could I have gotten caught up in so much drama? Why didn’t I bail when I saw the red flags? How could I have been so easily manipulated? With A & B I wasn’t alone. I had two other extremely intelligent and beautiful women to commiserate with. Every time LDC tried to suck me back in they were there to remind me to not let that happen.

This brings me to today… this story has been getting a lot of attention. A lot of people have been reading about what a sociopath LDC is and everyone (for the most part!) has been extremely supportive. All I can really say is thank you! Thank you for being so amazing and allowing me to tell my story. I’ve thought about it a lot, have been writing a ton, and think I might turn this into a book. Just think… these posts are just the cliff notes. Would you want to read about the details? Do you want to know what happens to LDC and the court case with Sarah? Do you want to hear about the girls night out A, B and I have in New York? Do you want to read about when I played my friend card and what happened when I finally unfriended and blocked LDC from everything?

I’m hoping the answer is yes! So, I’m going to keep writing. And writing. And writing. And transcribing all the fucked up fb, gchat, and text conversations we had over our relationship. I have some really exciting things planned for 2015. Did you know my real name isn’t Emily? Yup… 2015 might be a big year for us all. Thoughts?

Ps. A & B saw LDC on OkCupid. Ladies of New York beware.

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When A Girl Finds Out Her BF is on Match…

by Emily Macintosh on August 18, 2014

So, apparently I have no cheater filter. I’m even attracted to them online.

Last week I posted some of the gems I was receiving from men through Match and OkCupid. I mentioned that I had talked to 2 seemingly normal guys and that there was one guy and I messaged back and forth a couple of time and then all of a sudden his profile was hidden… well, tonight “he” responded!

Match Cheater 2

Weird, right? So, I go to his now no longer hidden profile…

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Obviously, pissed off and cheated on GF has logged into his account and taken matters into her own hands. (At this point I can’t stop laughing and have already texted this all to A. We are not alone!)

Match cheater 1

So boys, a lesson to you all… don’t cheat on us. A woman scorned is a BAD thing to have to deal with.

Ladies… lets make this go viral. Post, RT, and share away! xoxo

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WTF Are These Guys Thinking? BAD 1st Online Dating Emails…

by Emily Macintosh on August 12, 2014

Post my lifetime movie break-up I have finally rejoined the land of the living and jumped back into online dating in a major way. I’m currently on Tinder, Hinge, Match and OkCupid. It’s a fucking full-time job!  But, don’t get too excited… in the 2 weeks I’ve been on I’ve received several cringe worthy messages.

Now, there were 2 nice guys I was emailing back and forth with.  1 has since moved to Santa Barbara for a new job and the other just hid his profile after sending me 1 message.  Fun times.

Here are 3 gems that I received in the past week.  Someone please put these on Reddit so people can learn from their mistakes… or the internet can just make fun of them, because right now the only words going through my mind are “Oh, hell no” and “sorry, not sorry.”

From OkCupid:
“A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ‘Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!’ The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ‘The driver just insulted me!’ The man says: ‘You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.’ What’s your story?”

From Match:
“Subject: QUESTION FOR YOU
I like it that you are spiritual but not religious. They should just make a site with that requirement since they have Christians meeting spots and all that right? My name is Jeremy and I live in downtown los angeles. I like your look (pretty face and sexy legs!!!). You even look like you can be tough at times. For instance, if we were together and a mean asian lady approached us and started getting rude with me (which happened in real life the other day) you look as if you might actually step in and become my protector. Can you see this happening? If so, great. A female bodyguard against mean asian women would be nice, original, and a reason to learn more about each other. Don’t worry, everything’s mutual, I got your back with all else. Thats what team mates are for.”

*please note I have no ill will towards any ethnicity!

Now, this next one isn’t so bad, but it’s SO indicative of the dating scene in LA. I’m 34. Not 44. Not 54. I don’t want to date a man who is 55. Thankyouverymuch.

“I read your profile, and would like to have a conversation with you to see if we would like to meet.

Yes, I know you are 34 and I am 55. However, please consider the advantages: I am probably more successful and considerate than a younger man, and perhaps a more positive influence in your life. If we speak on the phone, you may find that you prefer a man my age (who is 6’6″ and in great shape).

If you don’t wish to provide your phone number, then let me know the best time for you to call me, and I will give you my number.

I look forward to hearing from you.”

So, there you have it… dating. In your 30s. Fun times, people. Fun times.

** The Other Woman update! I’m working on it now. Trying to transcribe a bunch of our texts, gchats, etc. so you can get a better idea of the aftermath. Hope to post soon – thanks for being so patient!

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It’s August and I’m getting all of my ex-bf angst out of the way!  A couple of songs I’m loving right now…

We are Done by the Madden Brothers. I adore them both.

Yeah, this blog is about you… 15 Minutes of Shame by Kristy Lee Cook (an oldie, but goodie!)

Best lyrics ever? Um, yes.

Yeah, this song is about you
I’m giving you more than fair warnin’ right now on your radio
Everybody’s gonna hear all the things that you did
That you don’t want the world to know

I’m spillin’ the beans, I’m shouttin’ it out
Yeah, you’re gonna be sorry now

Every single lie you told, I’m tellin’
Every promise that you broke, I’m rattin’ you out
Every girl in the world’s gonna know your name
And I hope you enjoy your 15 minutes of shame

Hey, you’re lookin’ nervous
Now that your double talkin’ has caught back up with you
Stick to your alibi
Don’t try to deny it when I reveal the truth

Sure you’re pretty good at workin’ a line
But it’s all just a matter of time

Shame, shame, shame on you
Look who’s lookin’ like a fool now
Blame, blame, blame yourself
Won’t be foolin’ no one else anymore

And finally a song that is about true love that gives me hope.  I LOVE it!

Sending lots of x’s and o’s out there for a great rest of your summer! xoxo

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The Other Woman: Part 5 – He Gets Caught

by Emily Macintosh on July 25, 2014

Another quick recap… I’m dating a guy I knew from high school who lives in New York. We’ve been dating for a few months now. Things started off amazing, but quickly I was inundated with red flags and manipulative excuses that made me feel like I was the one doing something wrong. This man I trusted so whole heartedly has a stalker, still talks to and has a very dependent emotional relationship with his ex-fiancé (aka “A”), and I’m pretty sure is still in love with his ex-gf (aka “B,” who is the reason his wedding got called off in the first place). I’m 3000 miles away, at times happy, and trying to make things work. I’ve been dating for 20 years. It’s hard to find someone you want to spend an hour with let alone a week. I’ve loved my time with LDC and wanted desperately for things to work. I’m ready to be done. Done dating, done searching, and done being single.

Things weren’t going great and I had wanted to have a deep talk with LDC about our relationship. He didn’t want to have this conversation and avoided it at all costs.  I was feeling under appreciated and he was being distant, but I blamed these things on the stress of his life and not on him. We still talked everyday, but things were definitely different than they had been even a couple of weeks earlier. Now, it’s June 9. A week earlier LDC and I had talked about him coming out to see me in LA. Over the past few months we agreed that we wouldn’t go longer than a month without seeing each other and this trip would fall in line with that promise. Out of the blue he told me he needed to get out of New York and wanted to see me. It was like things were back on track…

Back to June 9. It’s the start of Mercury in retrograde. If you know anything about astrology this is when everything goes to shit. And did it ever.

This specific afternoon I was at a client meeting. I got a text from LDC asking me if I was around. Due to our time difference talking at 3pm pst was normal for us. I usually needed a break in my day and he was just getting home from work. I responded with “yup!” and called him while I was sitting on the 405 in traffic heading back to my office. So, I was obviously in a fab mood already! (Insert sarcasm. LA traffic is the world’s biggest buzz kill.)

Our conversation was short and to the point. LDC told me that he had been talking to B again and while nothing had happened yet, he wanted to tell me that he was going to give it another go with her. They had been talking since Stalker Sarah had reopened that door for him and he would regret not giving their relationship another try. I asked him again if he had already cheated on me and he reassured me that he was being honest and wanted to “do the right thing by me” by telling me before something had happened between them. (Note: I am giving you QUOTES people. These are things he actually said!)

I took the conversation in stride. We were officially broken up, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have a few things I wanted to get off my chest. I mean, I had the entire conversation I had been wanting to have with him for weeks written down in an email and I was definitely going to share it with him!

I was angry for a variety of reasons. Not because he had just broken up with me, but because he got to have this conversation on his timeline when I had been wanting to have mine for weeks. I was pissed that Sarah’s bullshit had brought him and B back together. I was furious that he still didn’t understand how I felt unappreciated. So, I read him the email I wrote him. He literally responded with “these are all valid points. I’m sorry.”

LDC told me he had also invited A over to tell her he couldn’t continue a friendship with her anymore either so he could truly make things work between him and B. He was getting all of his ducks in a row. He just didn’t know what was coming…

I didn’t cry. I was just pissed. After this short and not sweet convo I walked down the street to get my nails done. I was heading out-of-town a few days later to see friends in San Francisco and wanted to look presentable. I sat in the massage chair stunned at how quickly things changed. As my nails where drying I checked my email… about eight new emails were in my inbox from B. WHAT THE FUCK?!?

(I’m sure you want to know… how did she have my email? B had my email address from one of the emails Sarah had sent me that LDC had forwarded along in his attempt to prove that Sarah was crazy. Again, he told both A and B I was just a friend from high school which was totally believable.)

There was an intro email and then several “supporting” emails with jpgs of texts, pictures, videos, etc. I was sick to my stomach.

The email read: (and yes, picture me hyperventilating as you’re reading this. In all honesty, it’s still hard to read, but I give B  a lot of credit. It is a great email!)

“My name is B. I know we never met and you probably have no idea who I am. I want to introduce myself as ‘the other woman’.

I want to take a minute of your time to tell you the truth about LDC. All I want is for you to read this email and take away from it what you will. I’ve been dating LDC on and off for about three years. During the course of our relationship, he made me believe I was the only one, but unfortunately due to facts I recently uncovered and that I am attaching as proof to this email, that wasn’t the case. My relationship with LDC began when he was cheating on A with me. My whole relationship with him was a lie because he was in a relationship with at least one other person at the same time while telling me how much he loves me and wants to marry me and grow old together. To make a really long story short, every I love you, every I’m sorry, every kiss, every hug, every sweet and loving text, every I miss you, every you’re my family, every you’re my best friend, my partner, the love of my life, my confidant, the only one that knows the truth, was also told to someone else at the same exact time.

This is all factual information that was confirmed with A with who I compared texts, emails, timelines, and lies. LDC did a really good job leading a double life and convincing both of us that we were special. Unfortunately for him that time has come to an end. As of today A and I are no longer communicating with him which leaves him plenty of time to pursue his next target, which happens to be you. The sole intention of this email is to warn you about what you have gotten yourself into: a world of lies and manipulation and heartache. I can confidently say that you will not be any different from me or A, but try he will to convince you otherwise. I found the cards you sent him from April and May and I know you two are involved (pictures attached). I also know that you know about Sarah who is another one of his victims. LDC was involved with her and got her pregnant (see abortion papers attached along with the email she sent him that he edited to me when sending the email version).

This email has nothing to do with me wanting him in my life and trying to keep him away from you. I want nothing to do with him. We’re done. All I’m trying to do is for you to cut your losses and run the other way so you don’t suffer the way I have. You seem like a good person, which is his typical target, and you will end up heartbroken in the end.

Attached are some emails and texts both A and I received that will support the information in my email. I’m sorry because I know this will hurt and you will want to be proven wrong. Be warned that he will deny it all and will blame someone, anyone else. It took me over three years to uncover the truth and I’m trying to save you some time. I have nothing to lose or gain so please understand that this is the truth about LDC.”

Now, my first thought was “this has to be Sarah” again. I emailed B back and asked for proof that it was in fact her. Minutes later she sent me an email with a picture of she and A telling me that they had just confronted LDC and would love to chat if I was ok and had a minute. I hadn’t even looked at the other emails yet, but called them immediately.

We talked for about 15 minutes. LDC had told them I was a friend from high school. Because I was in LA I was very easy to hide. Except for a few cards I had left him (that he kept in his desk drawer) and my comments on his Instagram pictures, they knew almost nothing about me. Our call got cut short when LDC called to tell me that A and B had just confronted him and his life was over. Seriously… the dude who just broke up with me was calling to tell me he got what he deserved and his heart was broken. Not because he lost me, but because he lost the other two women in his life. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

I told the girls I would see what he had to say and call them back. My call with LDC went something like this…
LDC: Well, I got what I deserve. A and B were just at my place together.
Me: I know. I just got off the phone with them.
LDC: WHAT??
Me: Yup, they just called me and told me everything.
LDC: WHAT??

LDC and I talked for a few hours that night. I was broken. I had spent years in therapy trying to learn how to trust men and he had undone that in a matter of months – really, in the span on a few hours. He told me how badly he needed our friendship and that he wouldn’t be able to get through things without me. I told him if he had any hope of ever talking again he needed to repair what he had destroyed. At the time, I wasn’t sad about losing him as a boyfriend, but I was devastated about losing our friendship. Over the last few months we had created this amazing bond based on communication and I was panic-stricken over that being gone forever.

That night I sobbed as we FaceTimed. He watched as a dissolved in front of his eyes. I was so shocked I had been deceived and so upset with myself that I allowed it to happen. For the first time in my life I followed my heart and happiness and look what it got me!

After we hung up the phone I finally read through all of the attachments and emails B had sent me. Another blunt strike to the heart and stomach. The last weekend I was there LDC told B he was in Baltimore on a business trip and told A he had a soccer tournament in Jersey. There was even a text that he had sent A about how much he loved her minutes after we had just had sex right before I left to come home. I threw up three times that night.

The next morning the girls and I had a conference call to discuss my call with LDC and compare timelines of our relationships. They wanted to know what I knew and what I didn’t know. In the end we all came the conclusion that he lied about almost everything. Remember when he told me he went MIA because he was upset about A getting engaged? A hasn’t dated anyone but LDC in the last 8 years. And the video I found on his iPad in May? B sent that to me as proof that he was with her. He had sent that to her in April.

The girls are I talked several more times over the course of that week. We emailed, texted, and were there for each other. My friends and family were supportive, but A and B understood. We were truly the movie The Other Woman. In the end we realized that while we’re all very different, we all have a lot in common. LDC was trying to make the perfect girlfriend by having us all in his life, but all he really needed was constant affirmation and attention – something we were all willing and happy give him.

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Now, don’t think this story is over yet… It’s almost like this is where it starts. With the stalker case still needing to go to court and A’s relationship with LDC’s family and friends (they were going to get married) needing to be addressed now that the cat was out of the bag we needed a woman on the inside to get the dirt. He thought we were friends…

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The Other Woman: Part 4 – He Goes to Jail & I’m Home in Tears

July 15, 2014

Are you all caught up? Quick recap… dating a guy I knew from high school who lives in New York. We’ve now been dating a little over 3 months. Red flags everywhere, but love is blind and he’s amazingly good at turning red flag moments into me thinking I’m crazy. Speaking of crazy he has […]

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Soundtrack to My Life – July! You’ll Be Okay, Bartender & Problem

July 3, 2014

If you’ve been following me on Twitter and been reading my blog, you know that the last month has been a doozy (I partly blame Mercury being in retrograde!) Music is really the only thing getting me through. I’ve been rockin’ everything from slow lyrical songs to country drinking songs to songs you should be […]

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The Other Woman: Part 3 – Red Flags Everywhere… I Find a Condom Wrapper That Isn’t Mine!

July 3, 2014

To recap… I’m dating a guy a new from high school who lives in New York. We’ve now been dating for 3 months. Everything so far is going well. Great conversations, great visits, great sex. But, I’m starting to see red flags and he now has a stalker. Here are parts 1 & 2 for […]

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