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The Other Woman: Part 5 – He Gets Caught

by Emily Macintosh on July 25, 2014

Another quick recap… I’m dating a guy I knew from high school who lives in New York. We’ve been dating for a few months now. Things started off amazing, but quickly I was inundated with red flags and manipulative excuses that made me feel like I was the one doing something wrong. This man I trusted so whole heartedly has a stalker, still talks to and has a very dependent emotional relationship with his ex-fiancé (aka “A”), and I’m pretty sure is still in love with his ex-gf (aka “B,” who is the reason his wedding got called off in the first place). I’m 3000 miles away, at times happy, and trying to make things work. I’ve been dating for 20 years. It’s hard to find someone you want to spend an hour with let alone a week. I’ve loved my time with LDC and wanted desperately for things to work. I’m ready to be done. Done dating, done searching, and done being single.

Things weren’t going great and I had wanted to have a deep talk with LDC about our relationship. He didn’t want to have this conversation and avoided it at all costs.  I was feeling under appreciated and he was being distant, but I blamed these things on the stress of his life and not on him. We still talked everyday, but things were definitely different than they had been even a couple of weeks earlier. Now, it’s June 9. A week earlier LDC and I had talked about him coming out to see me in LA. Over the past few months we agreed that we wouldn’t go longer than a month without seeing each other and this trip would fall in line with that promise. Out of the blue he told me he needed to get out of New York and wanted to see me. It was like things were back on track…

Back to June 9. It’s the start of Mercury in retrograde. If you know anything about astrology this is when everything goes to shit. And did it ever.

This specific afternoon I was at a client meeting. I got a text from LDC asking me if I was around. Due to our time difference talking at 3pm pst was normal for us. I usually needed a break in my day and he was just getting home from work. I responded with “yup!” and called him while I was sitting on the 405 in traffic heading back to my office. So, I was obviously in a fab mood already! (Insert sarcasm. LA traffic is the world’s biggest buzz kill.)

Our conversation was short and to the point. LDC told me that he had been talking to B again and while nothing had happened yet, he wanted to tell me that he was going to give it another go with her. They had been talking since Stalker Sarah had reopened that door for him and he would regret not giving their relationship another try. I asked him again if he had already cheated on me and he reassured me that he was being honest and wanted to “do the right thing by me” by telling me before something had happened between them. (Note: I am giving you QUOTES people. These are things he actually said!”)

I took the conversation in stride. We were officially broken up, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have a few things I wanted to get off my chest. I mean, I had the entire conversation I had been wanting to have with him for weeks written down in an email and I was definitely going to share it with him!

I was angry for a variety of reasons. Not because he had just broken up with me, but because he got to have this conversation on his timeline when I had been wanting to have mine for weeks. I was pissed that Sarah’s bullshit had brought him and B back together. I was furious that he still didn’t understand how I felt unappreciated. So, I read him the email I wrote him. He literally responded with “these are all valid points. I’m sorry.”

LDC told me he had also invited A over to tell her he couldn’t continue a friendship with her anymore either so he could truly make things work between him and B. He was getting all of his ducks in a row. He just didn’t know what was coming…

I didn’t cry. I was just pissed. After this short and not sweet convo I walked down the street to get my nails done. I was heading out-of-town a few days later to see friends in San Francisco and wanted to look presentable. I sat in the massage chair stunned at how quickly things changed. As my nails where drying I checked my email… about eight new emails were in my inbox from B. WHAT THE FUCK?!?

(I’m sure you want to know… how did she have my email? B had my email address from one of the emails Sarah had sent me that LDC had forwarded along in his attempt to prove that Sarah was crazy. Again, he told both A and B I was just a friend from high school which was totally believable.)

There was an intro email and then several “supporting” emails with jpgs of texts, pictures, videos, etc. I was sick to my stomach.

The email read: (and yes, picture me hyperventilating as you’re reading this. In all honesty, it’s still hard to read, but I give B  a lot of credit. It is a great email!)

“My name is B. I know we never met and you probably have no idea who I am. I want to introduce myself as ‘the other woman’.

I want to take a minute of your time to tell you the truth about LDC. All I want is for you to read this email and take away from it what you will. I’ve been dating LDC on and off for about three years. During the course of our relationship, he made me believe I was the only one, but unfortunately due to facts I recently uncovered and that I am attaching as proof to this email, that wasn’t the case. My relationship with LDC began when he was cheating on A with me. My whole relationship with him was a lie because he was in a relationship with at least one other person at the same time while telling me how much he loves me and wants to marry me and grow old together. To make a really long story short, every I love you, every I’m sorry, every kiss, every hug, every sweet and loving text, every I miss you, every you’re my family, every you’re my best friend, my partner, the love of my life, my confidant, the only one that knows the truth, was also told to someone else at the same exact time.

This is all factual information that was confirmed with A with who I compared texts, emails, timelines, and lies. LDC did a really good job leading a double life and convincing both of us that we were special. Unfortunately for him that time has come to an end. As of today A and I are no longer communicating with him which leaves him plenty of time to pursue his next target, which happens to be you. The sole intention of this email is to warn you about what you have gotten yourself into: a world of lies and manipulation and heartache. I can confidently say that you will not be any different from me or A, but try he will to convince you otherwise. I found the cards you sent him from April and May and I know you two are involved (pictures attached). I also know that you know about Sarah who is another one of his victims. LDC was involved with her and got her pregnant (see abortion papers attached along with the email she sent him that he edited to me when sending the email version).

This email has nothing to do with me wanting him in my life and trying to keep him away from you. I want nothing to do with him. We’re done. All I’m trying to do is for you to cut your losses and run the other way so you don’t suffer the way I have. You seem like a good person, which is his typical target, and you will end up heartbroken in the end.

Attached are some emails and texts both A and I received that will support the information in my email. I’m sorry because I know this will hurt and you will want to be proven wrong. Be warned that he will deny it all and will blame someone, anyone else. It took me over three years to uncover the truth and I’m trying to save you some time. I have nothing to lose or gain so please understand that this is the truth about LDC.”

Now, my first thought was “this has to be Sarah” again. I emailed B back and asked for proof that it was in fact her. Minutes later she sent me an email with a picture of she and A telling me that they had just confronted LDC and would love to chat if I was ok and had a minute. I hadn’t even looked at the other emails yet, but called them immediately.

We talked for about 15 minutes. LDC had told them I was a friend from high school. Because I was in LA I was very easy to hide. Except for a few cards I had left him (that he kept in his desk drawer) and my comments on his Instagram pictures, they knew almost nothing about me. Our call got cut short when LDC called to tell me that A and B had just confronted him and his life was over. Seriously… the dude who just broke up with me was calling to tell me he got what he deserved and his heart was broken. Not because he lost me, but because he lost the other two women in his life. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

I told the girls I would see what he had to say and call them back. My call with LDC went something like this…
LDC: Well, I got what I deserve. A and B were just at my place together.
Me: I know. I just got off the phone with them.
LDC: WHAT??
Me: Yup, they just called me and told me everything.
LDC: WHAT??

LDC and I talked for a few hours that night. I was broken. I had spent years in therapy trying to learn how to trust men and he had undone that in a matter of months – really, in the span on a few hours. He told me how badly he needed our friendship and that he wouldn’t be able to get through things without me. I told him if he had any hope of ever talking again he needed to repair what he had destroyed. At the time, I wasn’t sad about losing him as a boyfriend, but I was devastated about losing our friendship. Over the last few months we had created this amazing bond based on communication and I was panic-stricken over that being gone forever.

That night I sobbed as we FaceTimed. He watched as a dissolved in front of his eyes. I was so shocked I had been deceived and so upset with myself that I allowed it to happen. For the first time in my life I followed my heart and happiness and look what it got me!

After we hung up the phone I finally read through all of the attachments and emails B had sent me. Another blunt strike to the heart and stomach. The last weekend I was there LDC told B he was in Baltimore on a business trip and told A he had a soccer tournament in Jersey. There was even a text that he had sent A about how much he loved her minutes after we had just had sex right before I left to come home. I threw up three times that night.

The next morning the girls and I had a conference call to discuss my call with LDC and compare timelines of our relationships. They wanted to know what I knew and what I didn’t know. In the end we all came the conclusion that he lied about almost everything. Remember when he told me he went MIA because he was upset about A getting engaged? A hasn’t dated anyone but LDC in the last 8 years. And the video I found on his iPad in May? B sent that to me as proof that he was with her. He had sent that to her in April.

The girls are I talked several more times over the course of that week. We emailed, texted, and were there for each other. My friends and family were supportive, but A and B understood. We were truly the movie The Other Woman. In the end we realized that while we’re all very different, we all have a lot in common. LDC was trying to make the perfect girlfriend by having us all in his life, but all he really needed was constant affirmation and attention – something we were all willing and happy give him.

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Now, don’t think this story is over yet… It’s almost like this is where it starts. With the stalker case still needing to go to court and A’s relationship with LDC’s family and friends (they were going to get married) needing to be addressed now that the cat was out of the bag we needed a woman on the inside to get the dirt. He thought we were friends…

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Are you all caught up? Quick recap… dating a guy I knew from high school who lives in New York. We’ve now been dating a little over 3 months. Red flags everywhere, but love is blind and he’s amazingly good at turning red flag moments into me thinking I’m crazy. Speaking of crazy he has a stalker, still talks to his ex-fiancé (“A”) and I found a video of him declaring his love for his ex-gf (“B,” who was the reason he didn’t get married) on his iPad. Judge all you want. Even reading this for spelling errors I feel like an idiot, but in the moment, I was happy and again, he’s pretty slick.

I return home after my trip to visit LDC and things continue as the normally did. We talk everyday, chat online during work, etc. until shit completely hits the fan a couple of days later. LDC calls me in a panic Friday morning. Stalker Sarah has ramped it up even more and has now pressed charges against him. These include theft and battery (yes, seriously). The precinct has called LDC at work and told him he needs to turn himself in. He’s, of course, FREAKING OUT. So, he calls me.

*Note in my mind I’ve been thinking that maybe Stalker Sarah isn’t totally lying… hence this text (Ignore the auto correct – bring = being.)

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Now, men who claim they would just deal with this themselves are lying. Get real. Every man I know would call a woman in a crisis like this and lean on them for a little support. I was LDC’s girl “friend” and I did what I do – I went into action. I’m that girl that gets things done. Need a costume for a party in two hours? Done. A package didn’t arrive and it’s something you need today? I will either track down the package or get you what’s inside. I’m that good. So, help the person I believed I was in a relationship with when he’s in trouble? No brainer.

At the same time this was all going down, LDC’s brother was coming into town for the weekend. I was relived he was coming to New York. He would keep LDC company while also helping he deal with all of this drama he currently had in his life. At this point I was even looking into flights to see if I could get back out to New York to be supportive. I felt horrible that I was so far away.

It took me exactly 2.5 hours to find LDC a reputable lawyer who could see him that later that day. LDC took the afternoon off work and headed to the law office where he was going to meet his brother who was going to hear about EVERYTHING for the first time. LDC’s brother apparently knew nothing about me, Sarah, or all of the drama LDC was currently experiencing.

I was a basket case all day… after I sent him the contact info for the lawyer, LDC had the balls to ask me if the lawyer was reputable. Steam was coming out of my ears. Seriously? LDC called me later that night and gave me a play-by-play of everything that happened and what his next steps were. He had to turn himself in and go to jail. Jail.

So, the following week he turns himself in and spends the night in the slammer. In New York City. Can you imagine? And here I am sitting at home literally crying about what a horrible girl “friend” I am that I’m not there to help and be supportive. I can’t drop him off, pick him up, hug him, and tell him everything is going to be okay. That’s the person I am and even though I knew things had changed between us after my last trip and everything he was dealing with, I was still that person that didn’t want him to be experiencing all of this pain.

If I knew then what I knew now I would have happily sent him to jail myself… but again, at this point I’m in the dark about the life he’s really living and feeling horrible for him (get excited for part 5!).

The morning after the night he spent in jail he called me. We talked for two hours about his experience there. How scary, yet eye opening it was for him. How it made him look at so many things in his life differently. How he wanted to truly be grateful for what he had and not take things and people for granted like he had in the past… You get the idea.

The next few weeks things were weird. LDC wasn’t as chatty, our romantic banter had weaned, yet he still needed constant affirmation and attention. Yes, we still managed to sext – imagine that! He asked me to comment on his instagram posts, he would often complain about how lonely he was and that he would just spend the weekends “working out.” Yes. Again. Red. Flags. Everywhere.

Ladies, if your boyfriend has NO friends (or just girlfriends), RUN. Run far, far away because that guy is a bad new bears.

So, after two weeks of awkwardness and forced communication, which I thought was just the result of the stress he was experiencing from Sarah and jail, I knew we had to have a conversation about the state of our “relationship/friendship.” He missed two scheduled phone dates and when we did talk he told me he didn’t want to have a serious conversation like this over the phone and we could discuss it next time we saw each other.

I had an email written to him that had all my thoughts in one place. Everyday I edited and added. Then out of the blue in early June he told he wanted to come visit and that we should start looking at flights. Um, what?!? Scheduling wise and cost wise we couldn’t make a last minute trip work, but he wanted it to and to me that was a sign that I needed to stick with it a little bit longer… I was still following my heart and trusting him fully.

And then June 9 happened. June 9. June 9. The day that mercury went into retrograde, LDC called to officially “break up with me,” and his ex-fiancé and his ex-gf emailed and conferenced called me to tell me they both had just confronted him, broken up with him, and knew about me. Yes, just call me Kate Upton from The Other Woman. The fact that I am Kate Upton was the only positive I could see at this point…

Part 5 will explain how June 9 and LDC went down in flames and how I got some kick ass break up abs.

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If you’ve been following me on Twitter and been reading my blog, you know that the last month has been a doozy (I partly blame Mercury being in retrograde!) Music is really the only thing getting me through. I’ve been rockin’ everything from slow lyrical songs to country drinking songs to songs you should be spinning too and they have ALL helped.

I’ve probably listened to this song 50 times in the last week. It’s been a lifesaver and a great reminder that I’m going to get over this bullshit and be okay.

You know how I keep saying I’m the Kate Upton (from The Other Woman) in this whole scenario? This video posted last week and it’s just another great reminder… I am, in fact, KATE UPTON. YES.

I went on a road trip after everything happened (lying, cheating, etc.) and I heard this song almost every time I turned on my car. Obviously, the Universe was giving me a very clear sign!

Other stuff I’ve been listening to:
Already Home & Land of Opportunity – Great Big World (and really, their entire album. It’s amazing.)
San Francisco – The Mowgli’s
Sight of the Sun – Fun.
I Wanna Get Better – Bleachers
Further On – Bronze Radio Return
Girls Chase Boys – Ingrid Michaelson
Get Out – Clare Dunn

On the road to recovery! Slowly, but surely. Thanks for all of your comments, DMs and messages. You all rock! xoxo

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To recap… I’m dating a guy a new from high school who lives in New York. We’ve now been dating for 3 months. Everything so far is going well. Great conversations, great visits, great sex. But, I’m starting to see red flags and he now has a stalker. Here are parts 1 & 2 for you to catch up on if you need to!

I left my last trip to New York feeling good about our week together. LDC and I continue doing what we do… Talking a ton throughout the week and then only touching base on the weekends. I’m not a jealous person and I’m not needy, so this wasn’t an issue for me. I was trying to be a grown up and trust someone whole heartily and without question (I have a couple of years of therapy to thank for this!). Apparently, this is when he started dating B (ex-girlfriend) again.

Reminder – he was engaged and broke off the engagement more than a year ago to his girlfriend of 8+ years, A (ex-fiancé). The reason his engagement was broken off was because he was cheating on A with B (ex-girlfriend). Got it?

I can thank the rekindling of this romance to our friend Stalker Sarah. Due to of all of the emails she sent and impersonating she did, LDC had to get back in touch with B. This talking grew into more and they started dating and sleeping together again. Then you have me in LA feeling horrible that my boyfriend is dealing with Stalker Sarah by himself when really he’s in love with someone else, still in an emotional relationship with his ex-fiance (that I was partly aware of), and stringing me along. As if that wasn’t bad enough…

So, for our next rendezvous we planned on meeting in San Francisco. He and I both lived there separately (unknowingly in apartments 3 blocks apart at the same time) for a few years and almost all of our college friends live there. This trip was going to be great for both of us. We knew the city well, but were on neutral territory. A week before the trip LDC still hadn’t booked his flight. I, of course, got super pissed about this. Every minute he waited the flights were getting more and more expensive. I also had the hotel booked and dinner reservations made. He then tells me he can’t take the time off work and why don’t I just come back to NYC. Ok, then. I look at fights and book them that night. We swore on his trip to LA that if we were going to try to make this work we wouldn’t go more than 4 weeks without seeing each other in person and more than 3 days without talking on the phone. Texting, gchat, etc. was a no brainer. So far, so good. Trip booked. I was going to be there from Wednesday – Monday and couldn’t wait to see him. (Note: buying a cross-country flight one week out isn’t cheap.)

I text him on Wednesday morning and tell him I can’t wait to see him. He texts me back and says “tomorrow, right?” WHAT. THE. FUCK? Are you kidding me? Yes, I get this minutes before I get on the plane. Unreal. The entire flight I’m thinking I shouldn’t have gone, but followed my heart and hoped for the best. The flight was a nightmare. No WiFi and the flight attendant spilled a stack of trash cups on my lap so when I arrived I smelled like barf. Yes, I cried in Newark.

My visit to NYC was interesting. Wednesday night we had a great dinner and spent a romantic night back at his apartment catching up on life and each other. Thursday we went to his office softball game. I’m introduced as “Emily” (not other title), but that didn’t throw me. On the way home in the cab we had the DTR. LDC can’t be in a long distance “real” relationship with me because it’s too hard. I live too far away. He needs more and I can’t give him that. I, like any other woman who just flew across the country to see a man she’s been dating for the last few months, took that conversation for what it was worth and hoped my sexual prowess would win him over throughout the weekend. Just like the other weekends together, he’d know what he was missing once we were together for a few days.

Now, keep in mind I was staying at HIS apartment. He went to work on Friday. I got ready for the meetings I had and  cleaned up a little after myself that morning (girls, it’s a must to wipe down the floor after you dry your hair. Hair on the floor is gross). That was when I found the condom wrapper. NOW… he doesn’t buy condoms. He HATES them (hence my love for Lucky Bloke and me going back on the pill). So, when I found the corner of a condom wrapper next to his bathroom trashcan I was more than suspicious. It was a shitty Trojan ultra ribbed condom. The kind you buy when you don’t know any better. I decided to sit on that for the day and bring it up when he got home.

BTW, yes, I realize I’m a moron. You don’t need to tell me. Love and I were apparently BLIND.

Friday night rolls around. He comes home early and I had already picked up a bottle of wine for us to drink. I had also made reservations for us that night in Harlem at a hot restaurant I was dying to try.

He walks in. I’m working. After a few minutes I pull out the piece of the condom wrapper.
Me: What’s this?
Him: That? I have no clue… what is it?
Me: It’s a condom wrapper and I don’t use these shitty condoms.
Him: Woah. That’s crazy! Where did you find that?
Me: In the bathroom. You did a pretty crappy job at cleaning up. Who are you sleeping with? (Mind you, I’m totally calm right now and a glass of wine in.)
Him: I promise you on my niece (yes, she was just born) that’s not mine. Maybe it was (insert friend’s name) when he stayed here when I was out of town. I’m so sorry! You must be freaking out!

I have learned now that LDC has an amazing way of turning things around to where you feel like an asshole for when he’s lying to you. I decide to let it go and we share the rest of the bottle of wine. He tells me he’s just too tired to go out and orders dinner in. I’m disappointed, sad, and drunk so I run down the street to get another bottle of wine to ease the pain. After dinner, LDC goes to sleep early (like 10ish). I’m WIDE awake, drunk and bored, and need something to do. The entire night his iPad is giving us NFL draft updates and it’s driving me nuts.

I grab the iPad and try to fix the settings so the alerts stop. That’s when I start snooping. I mean, can you blame me? I just found a condom wrapper and wanted to see what else there was. I started and ended with his messages. There were several between him and A that were dated in early February (right around when we started talking, but weren’t dating). All harmless. Then I got to the messages between him and his co-worker, Vanessa. He’s told me a lot about her. She’s 25, overly confident, and I know is in love with LDC. I scroll through the very inappropriate back and forth between them. I see that he sent her a video and she calls him Romeo.

This is when my heart fell to my stomach. This video is a photo montage with captions (ala Juan Pablo from the Bachelor) telling B how in love with her he is and how he fucked up and wishes she would take him back. This video was sent to Vanessa in April, it’s now May. I know in my gut he sent it to B too. The best part? This video included photos that I took of him on my last trip to New York. So, he’s sleeping in the bed 2 feet from me and I watch this video 3 times. On the 3rd time, I wake him up and go bat shit crazy between my drunken sobs.

“How dare you let me come out here when you’re in love with someone else!”
“Are you sleeping with her again?”
“How could you send her a video with pictures in it that were special moments we shared together? DO YOU SEE HOW FUCKED UP THAT IS?”

He just sat there. He calmly told me I was drunk, acting crazy, and wanted to know why I was going through his iPad in the first place. At this point I lose my shit, grab my coat and leave. I walked through the Upper East Side for 2 hours. 60 blocks, 4 phone calls, and 3 bummed cigarettes later I go back to the apartment and go to sleep. On my walk I realized it was going to cost me almost a grand to change my flight to go home and/or stay in a hotel for the rest of the weekend. I had to suck it up and deal.

Oddly enough… once I put this behind me the rest of the weekend was really fun. He was stressed about work and his brother coming out to visit the next weekend, but Saturday and Sunday were about us. Little did he know Stalker Sarah had other plans and he’d be charged with theft and battery the following week. Karma’s a bitch and so is Sarah.

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The Other Woman: Part 2 – Introducing the Stalker

by Emily Macintosh on June 24, 2014

Ok, to recap – I’m dating a guy I knew from high school who lives in New York (LDC). Great 1st weekend together – happy, happy. Enter… THE STALKER. At least that’s what he called her. We’ll call her Stalker Sarah. She is crazy pants, but she’s a woman scorned. I can’t totally blame her.

LDC is back from Mexico and still acting weird. A week later he finally comes clean… while he was in Mexico he started getting a ton of texts from random numbers from a girl claiming to be pregnant with his baby. Now, he did tell me about a few people he had slept with in between girlfriends and he was officially freaking out. I get it, but again boys, this is yet another reason why you should wear a condom! I mean, REALLY. (And girls, claiming to be pregnant when you’re not is NOT cool.)

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(with love! Stalker Sarah) 

I digress… LDC is freaking out because he’s now officially being stalked. At all hours of the day and night he’s getting phone calls, texts and now this crazy chick is started to reach out to A (his ex-fiancé) and B (his ex-girlfriend). Sarah is good. She has made up email addresses, Google phone numbers, the works. This is obviously not the first time she’s been pissed enough at a guy to completely fuck with his life. For weeks she even pretended to be B to see if LDC would confess his love for her over the phone (which I later found out he did).

Meanwhile, I’m back in LA and getting ready to visit LDC in New York. At this point we had been talking for 2 months and we had had this trip planned for almost 3 weeks. I couldn’t wait to get there, but was also super nervous. We had spent 3 great days together in MY LA apartment. I was now going to bring a week’s worth of clothes and crap with me and spend 6 days with him in a 250 square foot New York apartment. It was sink or swim for this relationship.

The night I got there the stalking had come to a head… Sarah had confessed to everything and told LDC who she was. This specific night she had another friend claim to be her sister and tell him that Sarah had gotten so upset about the pregnancy and him ignoring her that she tried to kill herself and was at the hospital. Seriously. So, it’s supposed to be our 1st romantic night in NYC and he’s freaking out and I’m calling around to hospitals to see if this chick was actually dying. The prank calls resumed the rest of the weekend. He even got a text on Saturday minutes after we had walked through the meatpacking district that said, “Just saw you with your latest fuck.” 1. She’s obviously not dead and 2. What a bitch! That was mean!

The emails were also ramping up – she was claiming that not only did she have an abortion, but also that he owes her money. All I was trying to do was enjoy time with my new love interest. He just kept saying, “responding to her makes it worse. We just need to ignore.” Okay then… I’m obviously not wired that way. When someone fucks with me, I take matters into my own hands immediately.

Since our relationship was really based on communication, we had a lot of interesting talks while I was there too. We talked about how hard it would be for us to be in a relationship, but that we were going to try and see what happens. He told me he wasn’t a jealous person and if I wanted to date other people in LA that was fine, but if I slept with any of them that was it for us. After that I would be “sloppy seconds” to him. (Yes, sloppy seconds. Wow.) I told him I felt the same way. If he wanted to sleep with someone else I would totally get it – I lived far away and it was going to be hard to make a relationship work, but asked if he would at least have the decency to be honest with me. If he wanted to sleep with someone else while we’re dating he needed to break things off with me. If I found out he “cheated” we were done and not just romantically – our friendship was over. DONE. Agreed upon and moving on! It’s not like I was being unrealistic… we’re in our 30s. I was also being reasonable.

The weekend was again amazing… we had great dinners out, enjoyed the first real 70 degree day in New York in 5+ months, had honeymoon relationship sex (did I mention I went back on the pill for him and it was completely effing with my body??), and leaving was torture. I was finally happy in my life, but it came with a price and so many obstacles.

I returned home on a Monday. Tuesday afternoon I got an email through the contact form on my website from LDC’s A. It was hilarious… “Please stay the way hell from my ex fiancé LDC, we are still trying to work things out. You’re a distraction for him. He has a sex problem and lying to you. You’re very unattractive and you need to back away. He doesn’t know what he wants. Stay in CA and leave us alone and know to yourself checked…he is the love of my life and I’m not willing to let him go. Stop being pathetic and likening every Instagram pic. Contact him agian and you will be in trouble. You have NO Chance!” (Please note, this is how I received it. The grammar and spelling in this! Can you even???)

Um, ok bitch. I knew it wasn’t from A – it had to be from Sarah. He told me he would deal with it. I told him that if I got one more email I was going to take matters into my own hands and it wasn’t going to end well for anyone but me.

I had just come off another amazing weekend and was pulling the wool over my own eyes on everything that was in front of me. Not only was this guy beyond geographically undesirable, but he also had a stalker, an ex-fiancé and an ex-girlfriend. Instincts told me to run, but instead I stayed put and reveled in my newfound happiness.

Next thing I know, Sarah presses charges against LDC and he has to turn himself in to the NYC police. Seriously. FUCKING LIFETIME MOVIE. Part 3 coming soon (A & B are back in the picture and more red flags hit me in the face on my 2nd trip to NYC.).

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The Other Woman – Part 1

by Emily Macintosh on June 17, 2014

I am currently living in a fucking lifetime movie. Yes, the bad, but addicting kind that runs on a Saturday night with a B-list actress and her crazy lying boyfriend. This story is long*, complicated and super twisted, so sit back and take it all in.

*Like I said, it’s LONG so it’ll be broken up into a few installments that will be posted weekly. Writing this in one sitting is just emotionally too tolling right now. 

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And just when you think you’ve experienced it all, something blindsides you like never before.

Many of you know that I started dating someone a few months ago that lives in New York. You also know that normally I name them something funny or ironic to go with the story. For this one, you’re getting his initials. I’m THAT pissed.

LDC and I went to high school together. He was super cute, always really sweet and according to Facebook now, seemed to have his shit together (at this point, having your shit together and not being a lying cheater are now my only boyfriend criteria). This past fall he started commenting on my social media posts. A like here and there, a comment or two, definitely not abnormal, but something new and a welcome change to my everyday feed.

These comments turned into messaging and that messaging turned into texting. That texting turned into 3-hour conversations and deep talks about everything from work, to love, to 30-something life. (Yes, there was some major flirting and sex talk in there too. We are grown adults.) We were invested in each other’s lives and every message made my heart skip a beat.

After a few weeks of talking/flirting he booked a flight to LA for the weekend. I had 3 things going through my mind the whole week before he got here. 1. What if this is a disaster and we hate each other after an hour together? 2. What if we get along great, but there is no physical spark? And, the worst of the options… 3. What if we get along great and we have amazing physical chemistry, then what? The next steps for #3 were the only ones that were difficult. And, of course, that’s what happened.

Even after all of bullshit I have experienced in the last month, that weekend was one of the best weekends of my life. We ate great food, drank wine, held hands, hung out with friends, took a short road trip, talked for hours… it was perfect. On the first night he was here we had had a few bottles of wine (yes, we were officially happy drunk) and headed out to a late dinner. We decided to walk to a great little burger joint down the street from my house. A few blocks into our walk he grabbed my shoulders and turned me towards him in the middle of a deserted street. He grabbed my face, looked me in the eyes and said “I know this is going to sound stupid, but I think I love you.” We kissed right in the middle of the street like we were in a movie. I didn’t know if it was the wine or him talking, so my response was “I really like you, but for me love takes me time, so please don’t tell me you love me unless you truly believe you do.” He called me a dork, kissed me again, agreed to my request, and we held hands as we walked to dinner.

We slept together for the first time that weekend (not the first night!) and it was pretty great. That is after we got over the whole condom situation. Yes, another grown ass man who “hates condoms.” He obviously didn’t hate them that much because once he succumbed we literally spent all day Sunday in bed. We even talked about him getting tested and me going back on the pill. We were talking future here, people. Future.

The weird thing for me was that I was so uncharacteristically comfortable with him and that is NOT normal for me. Maybe it was because we had talked so much before, but I did things with them that I consider intimate and I don’t do with other people. These are not sexual things, these are things about me that I only share with those I’m really close too. For example, I wear my hair straight everyday. I had a boyfriend for a year that never saw my curly hair. LDC saw it within 24 hours of being in LA. I guess this is what happens when you have someone staying with you for a full weekend, but this was new territory for me and I was all in. I was going to do what I never do and go with the flow.

Throughout the weekend we talked more about what’s happened since college – everything from where we had lived (our apartments were 3 blocks away from each other when we both lived in San Francisco), to our careers, to relationships.

NOTE: These women play a major role in this story, so pay attention! Most recently LDC had  had two major relationships… he was engaged and broke off the engagement more than a year ago to his girlfriend of 8+ years. We’ll call her A (ex-fiancé). The reason his engagement was broken off was because he was cheating on A with B (ex-girlfriend and someone he used to work with). Are you following? Yes, I’m the idiot who was knowingly falling for a guy who just told me he cheated on his ex-fiancé. Can I use the love is blind excuse? More about them later!

Back to the weekend… I dropped him off for a red-eye on Sunday. I wasn’t even home yet when I got the “I already miss you so much” text. I was excited, sad, and had a ton of feelings I didn’t even recognize. This was the beginning of something serious and I couldn’t wait to see what was going to happen.

Once he was home the communication was constant. We talked for hours a day – throughout the day and sometimes in the middle of the night. This was a guy who couldn’t be alone and never had been alone in his life. He kept telling me how good I was for him so he could learn how to be alone, but still not really be alone. I had this amazing feeling like I knew why the universe put me in his life. To this day, I still have no idea why it put him in mine.

A couple of weeks after our weekend rendezvous I got a string of panicked phone calls, emails, Facebook messages telling me he had to talk to me and where was I? I literally didn’t answer my phone for like 30 minutes, but he was off the rails. I called him back and he went into a sob story about how much he missed me and that he was fine, nothing was wrong. Two days later he had to go to Mexico for some family stuff. He called me from his layover in South Carolina and begged me to come with him. I thought it was romantic and so sweet, but with work I just couldn’t make it happen. I continued to get sad texts from him his entire trip there. I also got lots of very romantic texts too – kissy face and heart emoticons and “Do you think about me? I think about you all the time and miss you so much!” What girl doesn’t melt when she sees that?

I soon learned the panicking wasn’t about missing me at all. It was about so much more…

Enter the stalker… Yes, you read that right. STALKER. I told you this as a fucking Lifetime movie.

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For The Love of Lube!

by Emily Macintosh on June 6, 2014

If you follow me on Twitter you know that I have a new love… and it goes by the name of Lube. Yes, LUBE.

As you guys know, I’m a safety girl all the way. Recently I started following Lucky Bloke: Condoms (@TheLuckyBloke) on Twitter and they have changed my sex life! In past posts I’ve written that I’m a fan of lube, but I had no idea what was really out there.  The last few years I had used a brand that you can pick up at your nearest drugstore, but let me tell you… Lucky Bloke’s lube and condom samplers make for a VERY fun weekend (and more!) with a loved one.

Over the past few months I have been dating someone who lives on the opposite side of the country. So, when we see each other it’s definitely go time! Thank God he’s open to trying new things and is all for incorporating lube into our romps.

In the past I’ve had this be an issue. I don’t have any problems “down there.” I don’t need lube, but once you’ve tried it you know it’s a great enhancement to what’s already going on. Kind-of like wearing lingerie, it just adds to the pleasure of your experience. Also, once you learn more about these AMAZING super thin condoms Lucky Bloke has to offer, you’ll be jumping on the lube band wagon (lube is really necessary for super thin condoms to ensure against breakage.)

Here’s what was sent my way:

Lube Sampler and Flavored Lube SamplerIMG_5469

Standard Condom Sampler
IMG_5470

Now, I did not try everything here, but did find some new favorites!

Lube: I used to use Pink Water lube. I’m not gonna lie, it’s great. It’s designed for women, readily available and doesn’t make a mess. BUT, the Lucky Bloke lube sampler had some game changers. Me and my man really liked Sliquid Sea and Sliquid H2O. No mess (meaning it did not leave an oily residue on us or the sheets! Many glycerin and silicone based products can wreak havoc on your linens.) and it never got sticky! Often a lube can start to get “sticky” after a while.  I did not like uberlube. The silicone in it made a mess and I hate messes!

Now, onto flavored lube! Ok, so I’m a foodie and kind-of a snob when it comes to how things taste… especially when you’re adding a flavor to a person!  Some guys can get offended that you want them to taste different and other guys don’t care at all. So don’t forget to ask and if you’re not that kinda girl… just be sexy about it and sneak it in! Again, it will only make things more fun!

I’ve never tried flavored lube before and was super nervous that everything was going to be super sweet or taste like chemicals. Boy, was I wrong! I tried the Sliquid Swirl in Strawberry Pomegranate and Cherry Vanilla and Encounter Delicious in Peach. I have to report back with two thumbs up. All of the flavors kind-of tasted like candy and weren’t overpowering. None of them had a chemical taste or after taste. Why hadn’t I tried this sooner?

The condom sampler was just as fun! Lucky Bloke offers several different samplers to choose from. They include smaller fit, standard/medium (50+% of men fit in this group), larger fit, find your size, Japanese ultrathin, non-latex, flavored, ultrathin, pleasure shaped, and textured.  That’s a LOT of condoms to choose from!  Almost all of the condoms were from companies I had never heard of before… Okamoto, One, Glyde, Skyn, Profil/Magic, Crown, etc.  Hands down the Okamoto 004 Almost Nothing condoms are the best of the bunch. Put on this condom with a little bit of lube and it literally feels like there is NOTHING there. And I’m not the only one who thought so!

Side note: ** THIS IS NOT A SPONSORED POST. I reached out to this company myself and was thrilled with their product quality, selection and amazing customer service.

If you want to pick up a sampler for yourself, go to Lucky Bloke! And because I want you to lube it up and practice safe sex too use the code MATCH for 20% off! 

Now, that my love of lube has consumed you, please take a minute to read this too:

Did you know that condoms ads aren’t legal on Twitter?  Really. Online dating apps can promote themselves in helping you get laid, but no one can advertise to you that you should bring condoms on that online date. That’s crazy. There are thousands of dating bloggers, sex experts and everyday people who want to get laid who are all tweeting away. Shouldn’t we know about the latest condom trends?

There are a couple of things you can do to help change this!

SIGNING: a petition asking Twitter’s CEO Dick Costolo to remove stigmatizing and harmful restrictions on condom advertising. http://bit.ly/LBpetition

TWEETING: @twitter / @twitterads / @DickC (Twitter’s CEO)
with the campaign hashtag: #Tweet4Condoms

SHARING: campaign images on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram. #Tweet4Condoms​

Here’s to lots of safe sex this summer! Less clothes, tanned skin… come on, you know you want to. Be safe and lube up! xoxo

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June Soundtrack to My Life! Simple Things, Believer, & Say it, Just Say it

June 2, 2014

I am SO sorry for the lack of blogging.  I was in early relationship bliss and then things got complicated and busy… now I’ve just been listening to music and contemplating my life on a hourly basis.  Without further ado, this is what I’m jamming to this month.  I’ve got three ditties for you… lemme [...]

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May Soundtrack to My Life! 6’2 and I Wanna Get Better

May 1, 2014

What? It’s already May? How the hell did that happen? Two songs for you this month that I’m loving. 6’2 by Marie Miller – single ladies, this song is for you.  I LOVE IT. I Wanna Get Better by the Bleachers is my current jam.  Great driving song and I love the video! Happy May! [...]

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Lets Talk About Sex, Baby…

April 4, 2014

I’ve talked about condoms on here before, but recently I was having a conversation with my girlfriends the other night at dinner and they all told me I needed a blog post about safe sex. A little background info… I’m 34. I’m been having sex for 14 years. I am the poster girl for safe [...]

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