Online dating blows. Lets be real, we’re all looking for love in all the wrong places. Enter LA’s Second City sketch called Undateable and you’ll realize there really is someone for everyone.


Recently a fellow online dating girlfriend and I went to check this show out. What a night!

It went a little something like this:

7pm – Get cute, pick up friend and explain the premise of the show to her on the way there. Every Friday night at 9pm for the last year Second City has been performing their show, Undateable. 38 “Undateable” profiles were placed on OkCupid. The show equals months of research of REAL people talking to FAKE characters. No, it’s not a catfish kinda thing… they have rules (image below). It’s a scientific experiment about the online search for love. Cast: Chris Alvarado, Rob Belushi, Amanda Blake Davis, Kate Duffy, Bob Ladewig, Robyn Norris. MD, Dan Wessels. Director, Frank Caeti. For $12 per ticket it’s a steal.


8:15pm – Get to Hollywood (it’s only 10 miles away). Gotta love LA traffic! Head to the box office where they tell us to come back closer to show time (9pm).

8:20pm – We head across to the street to a little Mexican place and scarf down a basket of chips and shotgun a margarita.

8:45pm – Head back over to Second City where there are now 20 people ahead of us waiting in the lounge and hallway. This was one of my only three gripes of the night (btw, these are super small things!). Movie theaters do it… just give us seat numbers on a first come first serve basis.

9:10 pm – We are finally allowed to enter the theater, but the “good” kids who waited in the lounge like they were told get to go in first. We then head into the theater (yes, I was a bad kid who waited in the hall since the seating in the lounge was limited) where there are a bunch of reserved seats in the middle rows. This is the second gripe of the night… Note, there really is NO bad seat in this theater. It is tiny. But, the fact that they had these seats reserved (no one sat in them!) was super annoying because it left a single next to couples meaning people had to split up. I can honestly say, this is not a show where you want to sit without your friends and hence, look undateable. (I asked on the way out what was up with the reserved seats. The clueless, but sweet interns running the box office told me they were for industry people. Um, isn’t that everyone in LA?)

9:15pm – Show starts. Within 5 minutes my friend and I are in full on hysterics. If you’ve ever online dated… and I mean really online dated, not just put your picture up to see if you get any bites, but actually had conversations with people, this will hit home fast. The 38 undateable profiles they created are hilarious. You can view some of them here ( The girl who is obsessed with cats (meow, meow, purrrr) and the guy who wants to get married now… like yesterday.

Screen shot 2015-02-18 at 3.48.49 PM

Throughout the show, we learn a little about online dating culture (which you all know I know too well!) and see the real life reactions to these profiles. Crazy or not, people are desperate to find love or at least get laid. These fake profiles show a range of ages and interests and are placed all over the U.S. So, it really is showing the landscape of what online dating is like everywhere.

Some fun facts from the show…
Only 32% of first messages get any response. For every message a man gets a woman receives 17.
Haha has a 45% reply rate
LOL has a 41% reply rate
HeHe is also successful, but much less so at 33%.

Some dating stats we learned that night…
Total number of single people in the United States: 54 Million
Total number of people who have used online dating: 40 Million (We know this increases daily)
Online dating is responsible for 280,000 marriages per year.
OkCupid is responsible for 30,000 first dates every single day.

Who knew??

10:00pm – The show then goes into improv mode and the actors pick a single guy and single girl out of the audience making up their OkCupid profile on the fly. They then act out what it would be like if these two new “characters” went on an online date. It’s HILARIOUS! You never know who is going to be in the audience and what kind of couple you’re going to get. If you have the guts, I highly recommend you volunteer for this. It will have you laughing so hard your sides will hurt.

From what they told me after the show, if you do volunteer they will give you a “thanks for playing” pin. My third and last gripe of the night… The pin says “I’m undateable!” Ok, so I’m single, just went to a show about online dating, volunteered to be the single girl/guy in your improv set where you just made fun of me in front of a theater full of people and now you’re telling me I’m undateable? Lemme just write my suicide note while I’m at the theater. If the find a better tagline for the pin I’m sure all of the volunteers would wear it with pride. Maybe, “I’m dateable!”

10:30pm – I walk up and say hello to the cast. They are a great group of people. You can tell they’ve been doing this show for a while and that they’ve seen it all (well, almost all) in the online dating world.

With online dating being so prevalent, I have no idea why this show isn’t playing in every major metropolitan city. It will make you laugh, maybe cry, and will definitely help you see the humor in finding love online. It’s not something for the faint of heart! Angelenos, you can get your tickets here.

And, good news for my friends in Chicago! Undateable has been work-shopped and expanded into #DateMe – An OkCupid Experiment, which is now playing in Chicago at Up Comedy Club as a two act show. They have even partnered with OkCupid to do little single mixers there after the show.

The moral of my night? No one is undateable!


When you’re in your 20s all people ask you is… “when are you getting married?” When you enter your 30s it’s “when are you having kids?” When you hit 35 and you haven’t done either of things because you either don’t want to or it just hasn’t been in your cards yet (rude), people start asking you “are you freezing your eggs?” Seriously. I’ve gotten this question several times in the last few months. And, because I have a blog and some awesomely dedicated readers, I thought I would answer this question for everyone to read.

So, am I freezing my eggs? No. I’m not. But, this isn’t an answer I came to lightly.

(Please note, these are MY thoughts and opinions! Please don’t comment about how I know nothing about science, breast cancer and egg freezing. I’m sharing my personal beliefs with you and would love for them to be respected.)

The science of it all.
Breast cancer runs in my family. My grandmother died when she was 49 after losing her battle with breast cancer. We have no idea what kind of breast cancer she had, it was the 70s! Yes, I can get the BRAC test done to see if I’m likely to get cancer as well and to see if that cancer is estrogen positive. I’ve had a few sit-downs with my AMAZING OBGYN over the last few years and collectively we decided against testing me. My doctor has been studying BRAC testing for years and while she thinks it can be an incredible resource and lifesaver for some, for others it may not be the best option. Because breast cancer is in my family history I am diligent about monthly self-breast exams and get an ultrasound every other year. My doctor believes this is enough for me right now. She also believes (as do I) that often people can test positive something and mind over matter can manifest that problem. What impact does this have on egg freezing you ask? In order to freeze your eggs you need to take hormone packed fertility shots. These shots make you drop several eggs at the same time so they can be harvested. My doctor is nervous that with my family history in cancer, pumping my body full of hormones probably isn’t the best idea for me. So, if I look at it like I could be giving myself cancer to freeze some eggs, I’m going to pass on this option for now.

Also, they say that they best thing to do is to freeze fertilized eggs. Now, knowing Murphy’s Law any woman who would freeze eggs fertilized with an amazing sperm donor would most likely meet the man of her dreams a couple of weeks later. Then, you’re left with your hot new husband raising some other guy’s kids or destroying those eggs and/or trying your luck the natural way.

Why does it have to be so hard!?

Kids aren’t cheap! And neither is egg retrieval and freezing! 

1. I did price this out recently while I was weighing my decision… egg retrieval and freezing is around $10,000 + $500 a year for storage. Yup… not cheap!

2. I LOVE kids. I really do. I’ve nannied for three families and started babysitting when I was 12. I even took that babysitting class from the YMCA when I was in Junior High. I remember being in my teenage years and thinking, “my biggest fear in life would be not being able to have kids.” To some degree, I still believe this. There is nothing more I want in life than to have kids, but I also have to be realistic. I’m on my own and working my ass off to support the life I’m living. I live in LA… it’s not cheap! Adding a kid to the mix would be such a joy, but also such a challenge. In order for me to afford to have a kid, I need to be working full-time. This also means that there is then no one to be taking care of said kid… so I would need to hire a full-time nanny. Nanny aside, a child is VERY expensive… housing, food, healthcare, clothes, diapers, etc. Just the basics add up fast! And, do I really want to do this alone and have someone else raise my child? Again, I’ve thought about this a lot and decided no.

Also, I truly commend all of those single parents out there. I had my niece for the day and was EXHAUSTED. They are SO much work! This is not me being dramatic… I know my mom friends would all agree. It takes two people to get pregnant with a kid (scientifically) and in my opinion that’s probably for a reason. It’s a lot of work to raise a child and I’m honestly scared I wouldn’t be able to do it alone.

So, what did I decide YES on?
I decided that at 35 if I was going to live my life and still be happy, I needed to put kids on the back burner until either there was a constant man in my life who could help me raise our kid and/or just accept that kids might not be in my cards and be okay with that. So, I’ve done a little of both. I also made the decision that I am going to continue to be the best aunt I can be. I thought a lot about it… do I want to be tired, poor and struggling to fulfill my dream of having a child or do I want to step back, figure out what it takes to truly be happy and enjoy the life I’m currently living and take my hard-earned money and spoil my niece, nephew and MYSELF.

After almost two years of deliberation I chose me… (and my niece and nephew). I would rather be the cool aunt that takes my niece to Paris for high school graduation than be running after a toddler when I’m 45-years-old.

At this point in my life I have lived independently for the last 14 years. I have worked my ass off creating a company (my baby) that is now thriving. I’ve accomplished a lot in my life and won’t be shamed because one of those accomplishments isn’t childbirth. The sad thing is that while my friends were off backpacking through Europe and on their honeymoons in Bali, I was home working. So, I’ve made the decision that now is the time for me to be selfish and accept that that’s totally ok.

Do I still want kids? Yes. But, right now I choose me first. If it happens it will be amazing, but am I going to force it through science? No.


February Soundtrack – Love Songs and Songs to Love

by Emily Macintosh on February 9, 2015

It’s the month of love and national Single’s Day! My gift to you are a few tunes I’m loving right now.

Loving this song and can’t wait to see 50 Shades of Grey this weekend! Perfect for getting busy… with someone or solo!

I’m obsessed with this guy… I hope 2015 is the year of James Bay.

Honorable mention this month goes to this GORGEOUS love song by Ella Henderson… “I feel like I’m ready for love…”

Some others I’m loving:
Home/Dirty Paws by the Gardiner Sisters
I See Fire by Ed Sheeran
Wild Ones by Bahari

My sexy time jams:
Paperweight by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk
Everlong (Acoustic) by the Foo Fighters
Darling Nicki by Prince also covered by the Foo Fighters (I mean… how did Prince get away with this song back then? LOVE!)
Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon
By Your Side by Ben Taylor
Let Me Hold You by Josh Krajcik

Happy February peeps! xoxo!


How My Year Has Started Off in the Online Dating World…

by Emily Macintosh on January 20, 2015

Are men just getting more bold or do they literally just not give a fuck about anything? Yes, this is the only thought going through my mind as I scan my inbox on my online dating apps… Here are a few gems to give you an idea.

Lets start with Bryan (with a Y):

Bryan is 37 and his profile only reads “no hook ups please.” So, my first thought is FINALLY someone who doesn’t JUST want to sleep with me. WOO HOO! Then, we had this conversation…

Me: H! Just wanted to say hi. How were the holidays?

Bryan: Well, I’m in Jamaica at the moment.
Me: I’m jealous. It’s currently freezing in LA right now!

Bryan: It’s ok. I’ll be home soon to keep you warm… if that sounds good to you? Maybe some big spoon, little spoon? :)
Me: (I’m thinking… Aw, cute!) Sounds good!
Bryan: Wanna text till then? I could use more sexy selfies of you ;) (DERAILED! DERAILED!)

Me: (Trying to get things back on track…) Happy New Year! How was it?
Bryan: Heyyyyyyyyy
(Me: Ok, well that doesn’t even deserve a response.)

Me: Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you sooner. You ready to come home? How was your trip?

Me: Hey big spoon, welcome home! Maybe a drink this week?

Bryan: How bout some naughtiness?
Me: Really? I’m not gonna lie. I’m bummed. I’ve seen you on a few dating sites over the last few years and always though “that guy’s cute!” I was excited when we matched and started chatting. I even messaged to see if you wanted to get a drink this week, So, you can how I’m a little disappointed when the guy who has “no hook ups please” on his profile ignores all of the nice things I’ve said and asks for sexy selfies and naughtiness. I’m down with those things after a while… but really? I’m the kinda girl you bring to meet your friends and family.

I wait patiently for 48 hours to see if he’ll man up and say anything. No response. I unmatch.

Then, there’s this guy… 0% match, no picture and 10 years older than me.

Want kids with you guyAnd Shawn

Shawn OKC 1-15

Shawn profile 1-15

* Please note… bigger is better and bonus points if you have blond hair or have big boobs. After his message and reading his profile I didn’t find Shawn interesting and/or cute.

I was NOT going to let this get me down, so I started chatting with a new match on Tinder. Bo (yes, he has a dog name, but looked cute!). Bo and I messaged for 3 days. Until… he asked me if I had instagram. I told him yes, but it was private because I have nieces and nephews and prefer to keep my personal life outside of work private. 5 minutes later… he unmatched us.

Last week I had not 1, but 2 what I thought were good matches!

And that leads me to Adam. 33. Lives in the South Bay (the beach in LA). Pictures of him surfing, playing with kids in some third world country, etc.

Me: Hey there!
Adam: Hey there. What are you looking for on here? (Ps. His profile says he’s Christian and I didn’t hold that against him!)
Me: I know I’m the minority… I’m actually always looking for the one. If I wanted a hook up that’s much easier to find. And if I can’t find the one right now, someone fun to hang out with who thinks I’m cute and fun too isn’t a bad runner-up.
Adam: I think there is a mixed bag on here of what people want. I think you are hot. And… you love wine so that’s a win.
Me: You’re pretty cute yourself. So, what are you looking for on here? And yes, I’m a wine fan.
Adam: So, I’m very open to meeting someone on here that could turn into something serious. I guess I just never imagined meeting my wife on tinder.

Blah, blah, blah… we talked about sides of town, hobbies, etc. Then this weekend I get this…

Adam: FYI. I’m prob getting off this tinder thing. I think my motives were pretty shallow in joining.
Me: Haha! Okay then! So, no drink?
Adam: I’m just not sure.
Me: Wanna give me more info?

This was yesterday. This morning he had disappeared from my matches. Are you singing “another one bites the dust” like I am right now? #newthemesong

Last, but not least, we have Chuck. 32 and oh so nice, yet oh so far away.

Chuck: Well hello there! You seem like you could be very genuine and sweet and you wear that smile so well. What’s your favorite ice cream and why? (You guys, he seriously wanted to know what kind of ice cream I like. It’s not a sexual innuendo!)
Me: I’m a McConnell’s mint chip kinda girl. It’s tastes how ice cream is supposed to taste. You?
Chuck: Haha! Nice! I like Rocky Road because I love peanuts and the marshmallows set it off (Now as I write this, this convo makes us seem like we’re in the 5th grade.) I’d love to take you out sometime. When’s the last time you had yourself a fun and respectful date?
Me: I honestly can’t remember! How sad is that? Where in LA are you?
Chuck: Burbank. Wait… where are you?
Me: Santa Monica.
Chuck: Ohhhh! I didn’t realize until JUST NOW that this app searches in relation to your “current” location as opposed to where you live. I live in AZ. I’m here in Burbank at the airport heading home from a work trip.
Me: Well, there you go! You were far too nice and tame to be in LA. Good luck finding love in AZ and safe travels!
Chuck: Well, this sucks! You seem very sweet.

And there you have it. My dating life is not starting a bang. It’s starting with a thud… but, at least it’s active!

If you have any good dating gems I want to hear them! Email me!


New Year, New Soundtrack… And Up We Go!

by Emily Macintosh on January 8, 2015

New year, new soundtrack… music is what I turn to when I want to dance, cry, scream, chill, clean, make-out or just drive.  Here are a few new jams to get your year started right.


Something is got to give
Everyone here is ready to go
It’s been a hard year with nothing to show
From down this road
It’s only on we go, on we go
Everyone here is ready to go
It’s been a hard year, and I only know
From down this low
It’s only up we go, up we go

And who doesn’t love cut boys in pink shirts?

Dance like no one is watching this year… because they’re not. They’re looking at their phones.



No, no, no… That Did NOT Just Happen!

by Emily Macintosh on December 29, 2014

Sometimes the most embarrassing thing ever happens to you and you need to tell everyone about it…

In my year of extreme rejection (cheating boyfriend, the “I’m just not that into” text, etc.) you just need to put on your big girl panties and deal. But, this can’t happen before one more mortifying thing happens to you. It’s like the nail in the coffin of 2014.


My brother-in-law’s best friend (Bob) is great. He’s cute, successful and a total catch. He’ll be a great husband and an even better father. Now that we’re older, my entire family is convinced that we would be perfect together. We occasionally cuddle on a drunken eve, but there are no feelings there. I think he’s great, but I know too much. I’m sure he feels the same way.

This year he spent Christmas with us. In a total Bob move, he got us all gifts. Nice guy, right? The day after Christmas I texted him a bunch of pictures from that night. Him with the kids, him with the boys, etc. This is how the texting went…

Me: Here are some pics! So glad you got to spend Xmas with us. You were a big hit! Can you send me your address pls? (for thank you notes)
B: Hey! Thanks for those pics. My address is XX.
Me: You’re welcome! Hope the rest of your holiday was good. I’m heading over to my sister’s later to see if my nephew can hit the ball off the tee I got him.
B: Awesome! I’m sure he’ll be hitting  home runs.

2 seconds later:
B: Do you have a bathing suit?
Me: Like with me here? Yes. Why?
B: My parents are out-of-town (remember we’re all “home” for the holidays). They have a nice hot tub. Interested?
Me: (A million things are going through my head, but mostly – this is weird.) Sure. When? And this is totally your tinder line, huh? ☺

7 minutes later:
B: Oh my gosh. (horror emoji) I’m SO embarrassed. That was meant for the girl I’m going out with tonight. And I did not meet her on Tinder.
Me: (I WANT TO DIE!!!) Well, there you go! Haha! Happy dating. And hot tubbing. Can’t wait to tell my sister about this!
B: Oh man.
Me: Don’t worry. I couldn’t feel dumber if I tried. Fun times!
B: Let’s just pretend this never happened.
Me: Ha! NO. Everything happens for a reason.

oh… Then this happened this morning on OkCupid.

23-year-old: You’re way too beautiful for me not to message…
Me: Thank you! Good luck with your search!
23-year-old: You’re a little too old for me, but I might make an exception here and there.
Me: You’re still WAY TOO YOUNG FOR ME.

Rejected and old. See ya 2014. It’s been real.



Online Dating… Are We All Just Really Window Shopping?

December 15, 2014

Now that I’m back at it in the online dating world, I’ve started taking a closer look at my online dating patterns. Is it just the holiday months that make me feel like online dating is similar to window shopping or is that really what we’re all doing? I’ve always said I think it’s hard […]

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December Soundtrack to My Life: I Believe (Get Over Yourself) & Shut Up and Dance

December 3, 2014

So sorry for the lack of posts… my life has been all about work these past few weeks. In fact I saw an astrologer last night who told me the next year is ALL ABOUT WORK and to forget about love completely. Then she told me to get started on my book… WHAT? So, there […]

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When Should He/She Meet Your Family? (Family Blind Dinner Date)

November 12, 2014

If you’re anything like me, you keep your new man/woman far away from your family as long as possible. Back in my 20s, I would date for someone for a month or so before introducing them to at least my sister and her husband. Now, that I’m in my 30s I’m pretty sure I would […]

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