The Post Date Text… Save Face or Man Up?

by Emily Macintosh on October 20, 2014

I’m baaack… after my traumatic break-up that was worst than a lifetime movie, I have finally returned to the real world and starting dating again. Friends have been really great with several of them wanting to set me up. After this past year I decided that it would be best to be totally open to anything and everything. I found a guy who met everything on “my list” and he turned out to be a sociopath, so at this point I really have nothing to lose!

A good girlfriend from college set me up with her 2nd cousin. We texted a little (I was out of town, he was busy) and finally met for dinner last week. I wanted to do drinks, he insisted on dinner. I knew VERY little about him before we met. Just that he was a little bit older (my friend had sent me a picture) and that he’s related to my girlfriend.

So, Friday night comes along. I’m not feeling this date at all so I stick with a very chill outfit (distressed skinnies, silk blouse, black booties and a leather jacket) and head out. The night goes like this…

8:00pm – I arrive. He texts… he’s running 10 mins late. All of the people in the very busy restaurant look at me like the sad 30-something girl who is getting stood up.

8:15pm – Date arrives. He has MUCH less hair than he did in his pic and is VERY grey… how old is he??

8:30pm – Date is 46! 11 years older than me and went to the same school AT THE SAME TIME as my dad’s wife. Date orders wine. A BOTTLE of wine. Apparently I’m stuck here for a while.

8:45pm – Date then orders several appetizers without asking me what I like to eat. Okay, then… Date tops off my wine.

9:00pm – Date tops off my wine. Unlike my fun self, I’m really not drinking very much!

9:15pm – Date tops off my wine.

9:30pm – Date tries to top off my wine. I pout the rest of the bottle in his glass.

10:00pm – Great convo, but it’s time to wrap this party up. The restaurant is now empty.

10:15pm – Date insists on walking me to my car on the 4th story of a huge parking structure he’s not parked in. Very sweet, but also a little creepy. He insists that I text him when I get home since I had “half a bottle of wine.” I say thanks and hug him goodbye. He kinda leans in, I hop in the car.

10:30pm – Text date “I’m home! Thanks again!” He responds with “really fun night!”

Sunday – Date texts “small talk, blah… How’s your week looking? Are you up for dinner again some night?”

My response – “small talk, blah… I really enjoyed our date, but don’t think there’s a love connection there. How would you feel about me setting you up sometime? I have a ton of gorgeous, amazing and successful friends I’d love to introduce you to. Let me know and I hope you have a great week!”

Date – “Hi. I feel the same way about the connection – really glad you agree. I’m definitely OK with a setup. I’ll return the favor if I can think of anyone who would be a good fit. It’s been a pleasure to meet you.”

Ok… so was I a bitch for stating there wasn’t a love connection? Was he a dick for agreeing with me or was he just saving face? Why ask me out again if you didn’t like me? I’ve been dating for A LONG TIME, but shit like this drives me nuts. Thoughts?

make-backup-plan

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Every Woman Should Do a Boudoir Shoot… For Herself!

by Emily Macintosh on September 11, 2014

This has been a crazy summer… I went through a traumatic break-up, got rid of some toxic people in my life, and turned 35. Over the last couple of years I’ve realized that when you look good, you feel good and vice versa. I really took control of my health and fitness – stepping it up with boot camp and spinning, and eating healthy portions of good food (so I can make room for additional cocktails and bottles of wine). Due to these physical and emotional changes in my life, I’ve never looked or physically felt better naked. My boobs might be a little lower than they used to be and I might have a wrinkle or two, but I’ve never felt sexier in my own skin than I do right now.

So, after the crazy break-up, losing 10lbs, and being on the verge of turning 35, I decided that this year I was going to do one thing that was out of my comfort zone every month. I started in August to kick the year off right and decided that since I was skinny (and probably wouldn’t stay this way for long!) I wanted to take pictures that I could look back on when I was in my 70s and say “damn girl”!

Kelly Ripa was also an influence… every time a new celebrity has a naked picture leaked she says “I wish I took naked pictures of myself when I was in my 20s before kids! I would’ve leaked them to the media myself!” So, I took her cue and thought a boudoir shoot might be fun.

The process:
I looked EVERYWHERE for a good boudoir photographer in Los Angeles. You’d think this would be easy, but it was really hard. I started by asking friends, wedding planners, etc. and no one had any personal experience with one. Then I took to Google and all that came up were a bunch of pin-up boudoir studios which was not the look I was going for. I wanted clean and classy – think a modern hotel with a white bed and hardwood floors.

56043b7f888ef57857de0aed5bf869b9(Pin-up Boudoir. Still really pretty, but not my jam.)

So, I went to yelp and clicked through almost 20 websites before I found 3 photographers that looked promising. I really wanted someone who had a studio (so I didn’t have to pay for a hotel or do it in my home), someone who included hair and makeup, and someone who would give me a disk of all of the images after the shoot (so hard to find these days!). From there, I spoke with each individual photographer, looked at their pintrest boards, wheeled and dealed to stay within budget, and ended up choosing a newer photographer on the boudoir scene. I explained to her that I was doing this shoot solely for myself. She was thrilled to work with someone who wasn’t doing a shoot as a wedding or anniversary gift and sent me a ton of ideas for clothing and looks. After our first few email exchanges I knew I had made the right choice.

Screen shot 2014-09-10 at 3.48.35 PM(Images I sent to my photographer. I recreated all of these!
The white shirt and cream lace undies photos were my favorites.)

The week of the shoot:
I kept telling myself to not eat after 4pm, have no dessert, and work out everyday that week… well, that obviously didn’t happen. I had ice cream and a glass of wine the night before. Oh well!

Some tips that are lifesavers.
* Get your hair colored/cut a week or two before. Don’t make any drastic changes to your hair. You want to look like you!
* Get your nails done the day before.
* Get a tan! Tan fat is better than white fat! But, make sure to not have any tan lines. They are a pain to photoshop and don’t look good in pics.
* Don’t pick at your face. A zit is really easy to cover up with makeup. A scab is not!
* Get your ideas together. Send your photographer images that you like. While I loved the looks my photographer had done with other women in the past, there were a few I found online that I loved and she ended up really liking too!
* Get your “looks” together. This includes hair and makeup. Come with lots of options. In some pictures my hair was up and some it was down. I brought a ton of outfit options and went with a couple that I thought would only be backups. Mix it up and go outside your comfort zone, but I still recommend steering towards classic colors and pieces. You can never go wrong. I ended up going with a black lace bra and undies combo, a cream lace bra and undies duo (ended up being one of my favorite looks), a black off the shoulder tee and black and white undies, and a men’s white dress shirt (that I got from Forever 21 for $15!) and black undies. (Yup, undies! Sorry, I despise the word panties!)
* Lastly, make/bring your own playlist. My photographer said she had a great one, but in reality it was really much more for brides than me.

The shoot!
I’m not going to lie. I was pretty nervous. I did my shoot on a Friday and took the whole day off of work to dedicate to myself. This was a day where I was going to get my “sexy back.” This shoot was for me and I wanted to enjoy myself!

When I arrived at the shoot the photographer and I chatted for a few minutes and she showed me her studio and attached bathroom where I would set up shop. I laid out all of my clothing options and then got ready for hair and makeup. The makeup girl worked with the photographer often and had been given the looks I was interested in. I had sent a few hair pictures that I had found online and then a couple of pictures of me with the hope of looking like a “sexier, but still classic, me.” She hit the nail on the head. She bumped up all of my positive features, threw a pair of lashes on me, gave my bob a little volume and told me to have fun.

Ok… now was the time to strip down! I’m not a modest person at all and changed in front of the girls showing them two black bra and undies options. We made a decision and next thing I know, I was in the middle of a huge white bed with my head hanging over the end and my legs posed to perfection. After each series of shots, the photographer showed me a few images to see if I liked what she was doing and if there was anything I wanted to change.

Once I got comfortable and changed a few times, I figured out which poses made me look skinny and busty at the same time and which positions made me look like a whale. I told her if I got 5 great pictures out of this I would be satisfied. Three hours later, I was heading home confident and reeling over what I had just done.

A week later she sent me the proofs. Like I had seen from her camera during the shoot, there were some amazing shots and there were some that I didn’t love. I chose my favorites and got some feedback from some girlfriends (who were all jealous!) and within a week had a book to review. While there were some things I would have loved for her to photoshop out, I told her to only fix my tan line. I really wanted to remember exactly what I looked like, not what I would look like photoshopped.

I just got the book and the CD. What am I going to do with it and these pictures? NO clue. Some images I can crop and I’ll have gorgeous headshots I can use on some online dating sites. Maybe someday I’ll show the racier ones to a new boyfriend. But, I know when I’m feeling down I can look at these pictures and think, “Damn girl, you look good.” Knowing I did this for me and not someone else really is the best part. Definitely feeling confident and sexy as I start this new year of life only looking ahead at what’s to come. Xoxo.

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I recently turned 35 (gasp!). A new age bracket, a grey hair or two (that I will color until I die!), and some new smile lines that show how much I have enjoyed and lived life. Keep in mind, moisturizer, working out, and wine are my fountain of youth and according to most I still look 28! But no matter what is happening in my life music gets me through it all.

Right now I can’t stop listening to this song… a bad girl phase is coming on!

Good girls say no, bad girls say I’m there. Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere… I’m in a bad girl phase.

I just love this song too… open your windows, drive fast, and let your hair blow in the wind with this song playing LOUD.

Here’s to a new year!

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The Other Woman: Part 6 – 3 vs 1

by Emily Macintosh on September 2, 2014

Other-Woman-Style-1

(Yup, I’m still Kate Upton in all of this!)

Are you caught up? Make sure to read Parts 1-5 first!

The days after LDC’s world came crashing down on him were horrible for everyone involved. The girls and I talked a lot – comparing timelines, sending emails, etc. LDC was an obvious disaster and because he now had NO ONE to turn to, he turned to me. (Yet, another red flag… NO FRIENDS!) I know that our relationship was based on a friendship at the core, but come on… after cheating on someone and getting caught in the act (more than once) would you really think any of these women are going to be there for you and your broken heart?

I felt like I owed A & B for saving me what could have been a lot more pain. I’m not going to lie… if they hadn’t contacted me I’m confident that he would have said things just didn’t work out with B and that he wanted to give our relationship another try. And, to be honest, I probably would have let that happen. But, now I knew everything and had the friend card in my back pocket in case it needed to be played. I knew LDC had no one to talk to and I would be the one he would call… and he did. A LOT.

At one point he was spilling his guts to me about his family’s response to this whole situation (what they knew from him… which we all know is bullshit and the little that A had told LDC’s mom) and I was texting A the entire convo as it was happening. It felt good that I could share this information with her and try to give her some feedback, closure – whatever it is she needed. 

The summer was hard. There were many times when I actually thought I might be able to be friends with LDC. He’d message and call me and it felt good to know he was thinking about me. Again, with our relationship being based mainly on communication, a lot of the time it felt like nothing had really changed. But at the same time I now knew he was lying and manipulating me and our situation. New girls were commenting on his fb and instagram posts. I know he can’t be alone and that he can’t go more than a week fucking someone, so I knew in my gut he had moved on and this “woe is me” story was all a lie too.

A & B were my rocks throughout this whole situation. I felt bad. They had endured this insanity for years. I had only experienced it for a few months. But, in the end, it was amazing that we had each other. Telling my friends this story just made me feel more stupid. How could I have gotten caught up in so much drama? Why didn’t I bail when I saw the red flags? How could I have been so easily manipulated? With A & B I wasn’t alone. I had two other extremely intelligent and beautiful women to commiserate with. Every time LDC tried to suck me back in they were there to remind me to not let that happen.

This brings me to today… this story has been getting a lot of attention. A lot of people have been reading about what a sociopath LDC is and everyone (for the most part!) has been extremely supportive. All I can really say is thank you! Thank you for being so amazing and allowing me to tell my story. I’ve thought about it a lot, have been writing a ton, and think I might turn this into a book. Just think… these posts are just the cliff notes. Would you want to read about the details? Do you want to know what happens to LDC and the court case with Sarah? Do you want to hear about the girls night out A, B and I have in New York? Do you want to read about when I played my friend card and what happened when I finally unfriended and blocked LDC from everything?

I’m hoping the answer is yes! So, I’m going to keep writing. And writing. And writing. And transcribing all the fucked up fb, gchat, and text conversations we had over our relationship. I have some really exciting things planned for 2015. Did you know my real name isn’t Emily? Yup… 2015 might be a big year for us all. Thoughts?

Ps. A & B saw LDC on OkCupid. Ladies of New York beware.

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When A Girl Finds Out Her BF is on Match…

by Emily Macintosh on August 18, 2014

So, apparently I have no cheater filter. I’m even attracted to them online.

Last week I posted some of the gems I was receiving from men through Match and OkCupid. I mentioned that I had talked to 2 seemingly normal guys and that there was one guy and I messaged back and forth a couple of time and then all of a sudden his profile was hidden… well, tonight “he” responded!

Match Cheater 2

Weird, right? So, I go to his now no longer hidden profile…

image[1]

Obviously, pissed off and cheated on GF has logged into his account and taken matters into her own hands. (At this point I can’t stop laughing and have already texted this all to A. We are not alone!)

Match cheater 1

So boys, a lesson to you all… don’t cheat on us. A woman scorned is a BAD thing to have to deal with.

Ladies… lets make this go viral. Post, RT, and share away! xoxo

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WTF Are These Guys Thinking? BAD 1st Online Dating Emails…

by Emily Macintosh on August 12, 2014

Post my lifetime movie break-up I have finally rejoined the land of the living and jumped back into online dating in a major way. I’m currently on Tinder, Hinge, Match and OkCupid. It’s a fucking full-time job!  But, don’t get too excited… in the 2 weeks I’ve been on I’ve received several cringe worthy messages.

Now, there were 2 nice guys I was emailing back and forth with.  1 has since moved to Santa Barbara for a new job and the other just hid his profile after sending me 1 message.  Fun times.

Here are 3 gems that I received in the past week.  Someone please put these on Reddit so people can learn from their mistakes… or the internet can just make fun of them, because right now the only words going through my mind are “Oh, hell no” and “sorry, not sorry.”

From OkCupid:
“A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ‘Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!’ The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ‘The driver just insulted me!’ The man says: ‘You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.’ What’s your story?”

From Match:
“Subject: QUESTION FOR YOU
I like it that you are spiritual but not religious. They should just make a site with that requirement since they have Christians meeting spots and all that right? My name is Jeremy and I live in downtown los angeles. I like your look (pretty face and sexy legs!!!). You even look like you can be tough at times. For instance, if we were together and a mean asian lady approached us and started getting rude with me (which happened in real life the other day) you look as if you might actually step in and become my protector. Can you see this happening? If so, great. A female bodyguard against mean asian women would be nice, original, and a reason to learn more about each other. Don’t worry, everything’s mutual, I got your back with all else. Thats what team mates are for.”

*please note I have no ill will towards any ethnicity!

Now, this next one isn’t so bad, but it’s SO indicative of the dating scene in LA. I’m 34. Not 44. Not 54. I don’t want to date a man who is 55. Thankyouverymuch.

“I read your profile, and would like to have a conversation with you to see if we would like to meet.

Yes, I know you are 34 and I am 55. However, please consider the advantages: I am probably more successful and considerate than a younger man, and perhaps a more positive influence in your life. If we speak on the phone, you may find that you prefer a man my age (who is 6’6″ and in great shape).

If you don’t wish to provide your phone number, then let me know the best time for you to call me, and I will give you my number.

I look forward to hearing from you.”

So, there you have it… dating. In your 30s. Fun times, people. Fun times.

** The Other Woman update! I’m working on it now. Trying to transcribe a bunch of our texts, gchats, etc. so you can get a better idea of the aftermath. Hope to post soon – thanks for being so patient!

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It’s August and I’m getting all of my ex-bf angst out of the way!  A couple of songs I’m loving right now…

We are Done by the Madden Brothers. I adore them both.

Yeah, this blog is about you… 15 Minutes of Shame by Kristy Lee Cook (an oldie, but goodie!)

Best lyrics ever? Um, yes.

Yeah, this song is about you
I’m giving you more than fair warnin’ right now on your radio
Everybody’s gonna hear all the things that you did
That you don’t want the world to know

I’m spillin’ the beans, I’m shouttin’ it out
Yeah, you’re gonna be sorry now

Every single lie you told, I’m tellin’
Every promise that you broke, I’m rattin’ you out
Every girl in the world’s gonna know your name
And I hope you enjoy your 15 minutes of shame

Hey, you’re lookin’ nervous
Now that your double talkin’ has caught back up with you
Stick to your alibi
Don’t try to deny it when I reveal the truth

Sure you’re pretty good at workin’ a line
But it’s all just a matter of time

Shame, shame, shame on you
Look who’s lookin’ like a fool now
Blame, blame, blame yourself
Won’t be foolin’ no one else anymore

And finally a song that is about true love that gives me hope.  I LOVE it!

Sending lots of x’s and o’s out there for a great rest of your summer! xoxo

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The Other Woman: Part 5 – He Gets Caught

July 25, 2014

Another quick recap… I’m dating a guy I knew from high school who lives in New York. We’ve been dating for a few months now. Things started off amazing, but quickly I was inundated with red flags and manipulative excuses that made me feel like I was the one doing something wrong. This man I […]

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The Other Woman: Part 4 – He Goes to Jail & I’m Home in Tears

July 15, 2014

Are you all caught up? Quick recap… dating a guy I knew from high school who lives in New York. We’ve now been dating a little over 3 months. Red flags everywhere, but love is blind and he’s amazingly good at turning red flag moments into me thinking I’m crazy. Speaking of crazy he has […]

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Soundtrack to My Life – July! You’ll Be Okay, Bartender & Problem

July 3, 2014

If you’ve been following me on Twitter and been reading my blog, you know that the last month has been a doozy (I partly blame Mercury being in retrograde!) Music is really the only thing getting me through. I’ve been rockin’ everything from slow lyrical songs to country drinking songs to songs you should be […]

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