Google might be annoying sometimes, but this weekend, Google became my best friend.
This month has been incredibly busy (I’m very thankful!), but also very tumultuous… In one weekend, my x-boyfriend from my early 20s was posting pictures of his bachelor party on Facebook, while my x-boyfriend from my mid-late twenties was posting pictures from his wedding weekend in real-time. It was like someone punched me (and kept punching me) in the stomach. So, I did what any girl would do… I put on a cute outfit, hit the bars with a wing woman, and had another x-boyfriend’s cell number ready to go on speed dial should I need a little late night lovin’.
To get back on track, let me set the mood for you… It’s Friday night. It’s March Madness. I’m a happy girl. I love sports bars, a cold beer, the beginning of Spring and the end to an insanely long week. The bar/ restaurant we went to was packed, so we bellied up to the bar to grab a couple of beers while we were waiting for our table. We meet two nice guys at the bar and started chatting. The guy who I was talking to was nice, but also a little in your face. For example, he told me he was an actor. I told him actors weren’t my thing. He then called me a closed-minded. (I’ve lived in LA my whole life and I stand by my “no actor” choice.) He then name dropped a few celebs that were his “friends.” Unfortunately for him, some of these people I actually know personally and others I know of from the industry. He then, very blatantly, told me liked me and that we needed to go out. He asked for my number. I kinda like the forwardness and figured I had nothing to lose. I gave him my card and my gf and I sat down to eat.
10 minutes later as I’m mid-story about another guy I’m chatting with right now, Actor Man sits down at our table. My friend thinks he’s fun and nice and that I should give him a chance. I’m not feeling it, but hell… I need to put myself out there and be open to new experiences – at least, that’s what my therapist keeps telling me. We all finish eating (I’m pretty sure we paid for his meal) and then we all get ready to leave. My gf tells me to go grab a drink with him and see what happens. I’m having this nervous stomach thing happening where I’m feeling like something is off, but then again, it might be the 3 beers I just had. So… we’re off. Gf is gone and Actor Man and I cruise to a nearby wine bar.
He wants to sit at a reserved table, I tell him we can sit at the bar. He throws a fit and gets us the table by the fire-place. It’s nice, but I’m annoyed. I HATE when people do shit like that. We order a glass of wine and chat. He’s nice, but I’m still feeling weird about him. We talk some more… he talks on and on and on about his career. He leans in and kisses me. I’m getting drunk and it’s fine.
My girlfriend texts me… “Hubby and I are home googling your date. No IMDB, no nothing. He’s not who he says he is. I’m so sorry! Find out more and/or get the hell out of there.”
Well, that’s fabulous. Now, all I can think is that I’m five drinks in with a serial killer. I go to the bathroom and call my Gf. I’m a little scared, a little pissed off, but just drunk enough to do something about it.
I head back to the table and tell Actor Man that he has five minutes to tell me what his real name is and what the fuck his deal is or I’m leaving. He says fine, he’ll tell me over one more drink. I flag down the waitress and ask her to make sure she gives me the drink directly. Then, he breaks into his story and tells me his real name and shows me his ID. I immediately text it to my gf. At the same time, I tell this guy I’m going to google him. She texts back in a PANIC. I feel the same way…
Side note… x-boyfriend who I was planning on texting later texts me. I text him back that I’m in dire need of saving and he tells me he’s on his way. Gotta love that about him…
Well, apparently Actor Man is now using a new name because his x-gf drug his name through the mud after she accused him of domestic violence. In one google search all I see are headlines, mug shots, and the insane amount of money his bail was set at.
I tell him, I’m a little freaked out and I think it’s best if I leave. He tells me I owe him for the check. My jaw DROPS. Are you fucking kidding me? You lie to me all night and then want me to pay for your drinks (I had 3, he had 6). The bill comes and I owe $75 (gotta love LA). I pay the bill and get going – I figure $75 is better than sticking around with a wife-beater (even though he claims this isn’t true). Actor Man is in shock. ”I’ve never told anyone this before… I thought you would understand!” My response, “attacking your girlfriend, whether it’s true or not, is only one issue. Sticking me with the check is NOT ok.”
I RUN to a cab and x-boyf who is on the way to save me meets me at my house instead. Gf and her husband are freaking out and calling to make sure I got out of there and home ok.
So, moral of the story… when someone tells you their name, ask for their ID. It’s like being a guy on Spring Break and making sure that the hot little piece of ass in front of them is indeed over 18. The fact that I even have to think about this is in the future makes me cringe. Worse part… this is someone I met out, not online. So, all you haters out there that think online dating can be dangerous… just try going out and see what happens.
Ps. Actor Man has texted the a couple of times this weekend to see when we could go out again. Me response? “Do NOT contact me again. VERY pissed off about the $75 check you left me with and very creeped out over your past and the night of lying.”
Fun times, people, fun times.
plus I’m not small
