I’ve been dating for almost 20 years now and every year dating get more complicated than it was before! The other day while I was getting ready to head out to a movie, I came across the movie He’s Just Not That Into You on TV. I’ve read the book and seen the movie a few times, but for some reason, this scene really hit home with me today…
Now, I know… let him come to you. But, if one more person tells me the minute I stop looking I will find someone, I will stab that person in the eye with a pen. I’ve done the not looking and the looking… still haven’t found him. But, that’s not the point… the point is are all these technologies helping or hurting the dating game? I have a couple of thoughts on this…
How they’re helping!
Pro 1: A few months ago, I was talking to a guy almost strictly via text. Not my thing, but I was willing to try something new. Something happened via text… I was able to say things I probably wouldn’t say in person or on the phone. I was able to open up about myself, ask questions, and get closer to a person faster than I ever had before… ALL VIA TEXT. What I didn’t anticipate was that this closeness wouldn’t translate into “real life.” You know, when we actually had to hang out in person. When it came to a date we had a great time, but there was a wall up that would come down the second we would leave each other and would resume our digital lives. It was unexpected, exciting, and even a bit jarring. For someone who is in a field where all I do is communicate, I found it odd and somewhat freeing that I was able to get so close to someone so quickly by texting. (Note: This all ended VERY badly. He wanted more, there was some seriously bad kissing, I texted his friend, he got mad at me, he stopped texting me, I called him a bad friend… he now has a girlfriend and is very happy. Yay for them.)
Pro 2: Before I did it, I didn’t understand the allure of sexting. Why the need for the extra steps? Can’t you just hook up in person? NO. The answer is NO. No. No. No. There is something hot and little dangerous about sexting. The idea of sending a naughty sext in the middle of a conference call? I’m not gonna lie… it’s hot and I kinda love it. It has to be done with the right person that knows your boundaries, but it definitely is fun. Also, if you’re not in a relationship with someone, it makes things fun. You never know what is going to happen. (Read more here… My Sexting Cherry Has Been Popped)
How they’re hurting!
Con 1: Where do I begin? There are just so many cons. The first one? FACEBOOK. I think Facebook is the devil. With Facebook you can spy like on someone like a crazy ex-girlfriend. You can see where someone has been and who they’ve been with. You can see them rejecting you in front of your face. Example: You were thinking he might ask you out this weekend? Joke’s on you… he just checked into La Quinta resort for the weekend with an entourage of girls and guys. Is he there with one of them? You won’t know until he posts again (or until one of the girl’s there tags him). Argh!
Con 2: Texting can be so ambiguous. I went out with a guy this weekend. I really like him… cute, nice, kinda of an asshole, has his shit together, actually CALLED me on the phone to nail down our plans, but his texts need the CIA to decode. I always like to send the “thank you” text after a fun date. So, yesterday I texted “thanks again for a fun afternoon. So glad we met up ” He texted back with “Yes, fun times. Such a nice day.” WTF does that mean?!? No more thank you texts from me!
Con 3: Social media, texting, etc. just leads to excuses. Someone actually said this to me the other day… “I didn’t reach out because it looked like you were having such a busy week on FB, I didn’t think you’d be around.” SERIOUSLY? Be a man and just tell me you don’t want to go out with me. (No. I’m normally not FB friends with someone I’m dating, but this is someone I have been friends with a long time that I got drunk and accidentally made out with. Oops!)
Con 4: There are just too many ways to reject someone… email, vm, text, Facebook, etc. you get the idea. Hell, who can’t forget when Burger broke up with Carrie on a post-it? ”The mother fucker is concise!”
So, have I gotten on board with the digital ways of dating? Yes. Do I wish there was an easier way of doing things yes? I yearn for the days when a man could buy you with a cow and you were done. No looking, no choices, but you were done.
What are your pros and cons of dating and technology today? Talk amongst yourselves…