Last week The New York Times came out with an article called “The End of Courtship.” It has since gone viral with feedback from both guys and girls and their take on the subject. Since so many people asked me my thoughts on the subject, I thought I would throw in my 2 cents too.
First off… the beginning of this article sets the tone for giving young people and online daters a bad name…
MAYBE it was because they had met on OkCupid. But when the dark-eyed musician with artfully disheveled hair asked Shani Silver, a social media and blog manager in Philadelphia, out on a “date” Friday night, she was expecting at least a drink, one on one.
“At 10 p.m., I hadn’t heard from him,” said Ms. Silver, 30, who wore her favorite skinny black jeans. Finally, at 10:30, he sent a text message. “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever?” he wrote, before adding, “I’m here with a bunch of friends from college.
Just because you meet someone online doesn’t mean that they don’t have the decency to set up a “real” date. As I have learned from my years of dating (and blog comments and twitter rants) is that if someone wants to go out with you they will make the effort. Obviously, this guy wasn’t that interested in the first place. And a text at 10pm? Everyone knows that’s just a booty call or hopes of one!
Secondly, I’m all for the hang out date. It’s always more fun to do something with someone than to just sit and chat. Just after Christmas I went on a dinner date that then turned into a drinks watching a basketball game at a nearby bar. It was the best of both worlds… fun dinner conversation and then the getting to know you over a couple of beers in front of a few TVs.
But, one hangout date has now turned into two and I’m left with not knowing what the eff is going on. Does this guy like me or does he just want someone to “hang out” with? I kinda have to agree with the girl from the article… “It’s one step below a date, and one step above a high-five.”
So, all my male readers out there, is this guy just keeping things casual because he wants to keep the stakes low or is he just not that into me. And, if he’s not that into me, why does he keep asking me out? HELP!
Thirdly, the feedback that’s been making me laugh is all the hoopla over the Girls reference. Now, for everyone who reads my blog and follows me on twitter you know I love Girls. I didn’t like Girls the first time around… when I saw the pilot, I just didn’t get it. But, I’ve now watched the first season twice and can truly appreciate some of the great one-liners and work and relationship struggles the girls go through on the show. Oh, and I love me some Booth Jonathan… but, that’s besides the point.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Wait, the “dinner date that then turned into a drinks watching a basketball game at a nearby bar” sounds like a date to me. Was it just the two of you? How was that a “hang out” and not a “date”? Because he said “Let’s hang out” rather than “Let’s go on a date?”
I blogged about this in my very first post and I agree, this new term is annoying to me. Now it’s like even saying you’re “dating” for a guy is too much of a commitment for a guy (which is weird, because it’s not a commitment at all).
But here’s the thing, if you’re enjoying it and it’s just the two of you and he’s treating you well, who cares what you call it? Or is there more to it than I’m understanding?
I figure you are wasting your time unless this guy is insecure and does not really know how to be on his own. Maybe he just wants to show people he has a girl and is really…I really wouldn’t know.