Fun fact… I went on the Pill when I was 15. Not because I was sexually active, but because I had ovarian cysts. Now, did being on the Pill make me one of those slutty teenagers who then thought it was okay to have sex with the entire soccer team (note, not football team. Our men’s soccer team was insanely hot.)? No. I waited until my college years to do the horizontal mambo and have always been a safety girl. Even when I was on the Pill I made my boyfriends use condoms and that was after I made them show me their STD results. Ok, fine… I was a little paranoid too.
But, now that I’m in my 30s I came to the conclusion that my body needed a break from the 17 years I had been pumping it full of hormones and it was time to get off the Pill. Excellent timing right? I’m in my sexual prime, I’m single, and NOW I choose to be off the Pill. That just means I a. have to be very selective as to whom I have sex with (at this point, if I get pregnant it’s something I’m going to deal with positively) and b. I have to get on the condom train in a major way.
So, what does a 30-something woman do who has almost always relied on guys to provide their condom of choice? I research. I hit the Internet and have found a gold mine of condom treasures for us all to enjoy!
Custom Condoms! TheyFit Custom condoms are the ball (haha!) that got this blog post rolling… They seem AWESOME. I’m a lucky girl who has been blessed with her more than fair share of magnums. That might be in part because I like big men… but, I digress and this is my thought process… Boobs come in all different sizes and we have bras that are made to fit everyone from a 30 AA to a 38 DD (the most popular bra size in the US!) and obviously even bigger than that. So, why are almost all condom companies assuming that all penises are going to fit in the few (mainly 3) sizes condoms come in? Yes, they have stretch, but sometimes it’s not enough and sometimes it’s too much. TheyFit are legit custom fit condoms from the UK. They come in 95 (95!!!) sizes. The below graph should sell these alone… look at the selection – 14 lengths and 12 widths! This is also super cool – per the site: “TheyFit condoms are pre-lubricated, colourless and odourless. Our condoms meet the strict safety requirements of the CE mark and our state of the art manufacturing facility produces over one billion high quality condoms every year. For discretion and privacy, TheyFit custom fit condoms have randomised size codes and all TheyFit orders are dispatched under plain cover. There are no markings to indicate that your package contains condoms, or that the sender is TheyFit.” I’m sold. Now, I need a guy to measure and try these out with!
There’s an APP for that… There’s an app for everything, it was only a matter of time before there was an app to measure your penis. It’s called Condom Size. You measure your length and girth and then it tells you what condom will fit you best. It also gives you a percentage as to wear you’re ranking… which can either be amazing or extremely depressing. It then has a whole condom chart to compare options. This can be something couples can make fun… measure together, see your options and then go sex crazy trying to figure out what works best for you two together. Remember guys, when wearing condoms, us ladies have an opinion and preference too!
The piece de resistance? Condoms with bar codes that track safe sex. You read that right! Last February as part of National Condom Week, Planned Parenthood of the Great Northwest distributed 55,000 condoms with QR codes on the packaging across colleges and universities in western Washington state. The idea is that condom users can scan these codes with a smartphone using protection, “checking in” on a global map of safe sex. Yup… Sex FourSquare for drunk fraternity guys. And, what? If there is an outbreak of chlamydia they’ll be able to track it back to patient zero?
The site, www.wheredidyouwearit.com, is totally anonymous, although users can provide some vague “details” about the sexual encounter and how it went, from “things can only improve from here” to “it was ah-maz-ing.” Seriously. This is real. I can’t wait for Mindy Kaling to write a Mindy Project episode about this.
So, when I find someone I want to have sex with more than a few times I’ll let you know what our condom regime is like. Should be fun figuring it out!