Fun fact… I went on the Pill when I was 15. Not because I was sexually active, but because I had ovarian cysts. Now, did being on the Pill make me one of those slutty teenagers who then thought it was okay to have sex with the entire soccer team (note, not football team. Our men’s soccer team was insanely hot.)? No. I waited until my college years to do the horizontal mambo and have always been a safety girl. Even when I was on the Pill I made my boyfriends use condoms and that was after I made them show me their STD results. Ok, fine… I was a little paranoid too.
But, now that I’m in my 30s I came to the conclusion that my body needed a break from the 17 years I had been pumping it full of hormones and it was time to get off the Pill. Excellent timing right? I’m in my sexual prime, I’m single, and NOW I choose to be off the Pill. That just means I a. have to be very selective as to whom I have sex with (at this point, if I get pregnant it’s something I’m going to deal with positively) and b. I have to get on the condom train in a major way.
So, what does a 30-something woman do who has almost always relied on guys to provide their condom of choice? I research. I hit the Internet and have found a gold mine of condom treasures for us all to enjoy!
Custom Condoms! TheyFit Custom condoms are the ball (haha!) that got this blog post rolling… They seem AWESOME. I’m a lucky girl who has been blessed with her more than fair share of magnums. That might be in part because I like big men… but, I digress and this is my thought process… Boobs come in all different sizes and we have bras that are made to fit everyone from a 30 AA to a 38 DD (the most popular bra size in the US!) and obviously even bigger than that. So, why are almost all condom companies assuming that all penises are going to fit in the few (mainly 3) sizes condoms come in? Yes, they have stretch, but sometimes it’s not enough and sometimes it’s too much. TheyFit are legit custom fit condoms from the UK. They come in 95 (95!!!) sizes. The below graph should sell these alone… look at the selection – 14 lengths and 12 widths! This is also super cool – per the site: “TheyFit condoms are pre-lubricated, colourless and odourless. Our condoms meet the strict safety requirements of the CE mark and our state of the art manufacturing facility produces over one billion high quality condoms every year. For discretion and privacy, TheyFit custom fit condoms have randomised size codes and all TheyFit orders are dispatched under plain cover. There are no markings to indicate that your package contains condoms, or that the sender is TheyFit.” I’m sold. Now, I need a guy to measure and try these out with!
There’s an APP for that… There’s an app for everything, it was only a matter of time before there was an app to measure your penis. It’s called Condom Size. You measure your length and girth and then it tells you what condom will fit you best. It also gives you a percentage as to wear you’re ranking… which can either be amazing or extremely depressing. It then has a whole condom chart to compare options. This can be something couples can make fun… measure together, see your options and then go sex crazy trying to figure out what works best for you two together. Remember guys, when wearing condoms, us ladies have an opinion and preference too!
The piece de resistance? Condoms with bar codes that track safe sex. You read that right! Last February as part of National Condom Week, Planned Parenthood of the Great Northwest distributed 55,000 condoms with QR codes on the packaging across colleges and universities in western Washington state. The idea is that condom users can scan these codes with a smartphone using protection, “checking in” on a global map of safe sex. Yup… Sex FourSquare for drunk fraternity guys. And, what? If there is an outbreak of chlamydia they’ll be able to track it back to patient zero?
The site, www.wheredidyouwearit.com, is totally anonymous, although users can provide some vague “details” about the sexual encounter and how it went, from “things can only improve from here” to “it was ah-maz-ing.” Seriously. This is real. I can’t wait for Mindy Kaling to write a Mindy Project episode about this.
So, when I find someone I want to have sex with more than a few times I’ll let you know what our condom regime is like. Should be fun figuring it out!
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Where do I sign up to be your sex slave?
er, I mean…man servant!
Hi Ems – hope your finger is ok! Follow your twitter posts on your website. Is it me or is @andilavs totally fabulous! I feel like she’s the real-life Carrie Bradshaw. As for condoms, I’m not a fan but it’s a necessary evil. They’ve always hurt me a little bit and you can of course tell the difference. I might give these new ones a try but let’s face it, nothing is like the real thing. Dated a guy I met on NYE in Times Sq. Had high hopes and he was a nice guy but to say it kind of fizzled is an understatement. Is it just me, or are even otherwise nice and normal guys absolutely deranged when it comes to sex? I’m no prude but the things some of these guys have wanted to do is like right out of a disgusting porno. Have you written a blog about this? I can’t be the only girl who has experienced this? How’s this for a mood-killer/relationship ender: we’re getting hot and heavy, he’s on top has my wrists pinned down and we’re going at it pretty good. Second time we’ve had sex. First time was am-ah-zing! Every girl’s submission fantasy but totally hot. Sprinkle in some awesome dirty talking…and then….he says… direct quote….”please TELL ME you’re 12″
What the fuck is wrong with these guys!!!!! I’m so discouraged….
Yes. I think @andilavs is amazing. I want to be best friends with her and Dana Weiss (@possessionista).
As you can see I try not to have sex and tell too much on my blog (kissing and telling is a whole other thing!). I prefer to keep those experiences to myself unless they are just too good to not share (like this one… the story that made me start a blog in the first place! http://www.mylifeonmatchandmore.com/2009/09/i-just-dont-feel-connected-to-you-says-limp-dick-2.html).
I’m so sorry to hear about that guy… ewww. That totally grosses me out. It also reminds me why I try to hold out on sex as long as I can. That doesn’t mean to say that if you had gone on 10 dates with him that little fun fact was going to come out pre-sex, but maybe you’d feel differently about it because your connection was deeper OR maybe he wouldn’t say those kinds of things to you because he could tell it might offend you. You never know! Onto the next!
But, yes… guys (and girls) seem a little freakier now than I’ve heard of before, but maybe this is just because we’re older and people are just more comfortable talking about sex. There is so little judgement for what you’re into and always someone willing to accept you. I got an email the other day from a guy on a site asking if I was into DP. Yes, I had to look it up and politely declined, but this was his OPENING EMAIL. *sigh*
That’s messed up. I’ve pretty much attempted anal with every woman I have been with, with surprising results…but your boy is pretty sick. Wide-spread porn (no pun intended)acceptance has definitely increased the freak-factor but there’s a difference between trying something a little freaky and outright creepy like that.
Right? I don’t get it and why someone thought it was okay to ask me that on a FIRST email on @okcupid. Ewww.
App to track condom usage…really? But different condom sizes seems like a good idea. I agree with previous poster a lot of guys have tried to be really really pervy. At this point going for anal or putting fingers where they don’t belong or going for the money shot seems like standard. So much for romance.
The different size thing for condoms makes so much sense… it’s not like us girls are expected to fit all our different size boobs in 3 sizes of bras?
As for the freak-factor, after reading these comments I feel more prudish than ever!
Hey Lyla guess I’m not the only one. Hopefully you never had a guy you really liked ask you to pretend to be a pre-teen girl. Soooo creepy and heartbreaking.
Just saw this, how apropos
http://healthyliving.msn.com/blogs/daily-apple-blog-post?post=4ec84440-f1fb-439e-aaa9-1d32279036ef&_nwpt=1
Great article and fits perfectly with my mantra… if I like you, you’re going to have to wait a few weeks. If I don’t like you, lucky you.
Need to try these. Hate condoms don’t fit dried out break during baum chicka baum baum. Usually bareback it except with pros that’s wack. Most girls don’t mind pull out some don’t like the mess on them most dont care.
Safe Sex!!
+1 to safe sex!
Here is a tip for any guy who feels less pleasure wearing a condom: before you put it on, put a drop of lube on the INSIDE. Not so much as to make it slip off, but enough so that it can glide around and give a more natural sensation.
And for any guy who has never bought lube… GO GET SOME! Your partner will thank you, trust me.
And finally, this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/23/condom-sex-satisfying-indiana-university-study_n_2533849.html
Lube is SO underrated. For any girl who hasn’t bought lube, get on it. I’m a HUGE fan of a brand called Pink Water. Ladies, you and your partners will thank me later.
Also, real quick PSA here — make sure to avoid lube that contains glycerin:
“If you use condoms, you definitely need to stay away from petroleum-or oil-based lubricants, since they can erode latex quickly. And women who are prone to yeast infections should look for a lube that doesn’t contain glycerin, which contains sugars that promote yeast growth.”
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/sex-lubes