I’ve written a couple posts about hilarious, rude, and weird messages I have gotten on online dating sites. These gems come from OkCupid. I can’t… really. How do I even respond to these?
This is totally what I look like every time I get a message.
Guy 1: “You are a great kisser and have a mouth like a trucker. That’s enough for me. What two wishes can I grant you?” Yes, I do say that I swear a lot and that people have said I’m a good kisser on my profile, but really? WTF?
Guy 2: “Hi.. Nice profile. I would like to know more about you if you dnt mind?”
Typos are my number 1 no no AND my profile is pretty complete. What else do you want me to tell you online? Why not ask me something specific? What if I just responded with, “Yes, I mind.”
Guy 3: “Hello there. Hope all is well. From what I see, at least immediately, I am very happy with what I see physically. I am also a firm believer that conversation, brains and some sort of chemistry are all essential parts that make this work. I am not one to nit pick and neither am I the type that takes himself too seriously. The ability to make a joke and have a wicked sense of humor is a huge plus. I like to have a good time, explore anything and everything. Nothing is taboo, at least for the intellect.” You like what you see physically, huh? Well, good for you. You will never see it in person.
Guy 4: “Wow, you are absolutely beautiful. I would like to know more about you.” Thanks, but WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW???
Guy 5: “hi cutie, you look mixed, whats your background? do you play any where?” WHAT? I’m seriously am as white as you can get. How do you get mixed from my profile? Did you mean to send this to someone else?
Guy 6: “hello how r u? my name is jeff i was born & raised here in los angeles my nationality is syrian/lebanese but most people think im hispanic but im not looks r deceiving. once u get to know me u will see im a easy going gentle affectionate open & honest man looking for the same in a woman. would u like to chat so we can get to know each other better so we can meet sometime?” This guy looks like a serial killer.
Guy 7: “We’ve been matched! Lets chat!” 1. We were matched by who? 2. Chat about WHAT?
Guy 8: “You are a beautiful Taurus 😀 Haha! I actually did a search for Taurus because I read that they were the best for us Capricorn guys 🙂 I’m not sure how much I should read into it though but its definitely fun to think about.” Good luck with finding a Taurus! I’m a Virgo.
Guy 9: “This may sound random, but you are really cute :)…I would love to take you out sometime and get to know you better :)” It didn’t sound random until you said “This may sound random.” PS. He’s 24.
Guy 10: “You are a pretty lady. can I be your slave? I can follow your orders and please you.” Christian Grey you are not. Seriously, he had no picture and his profile was gone by the time I got this message.
Thanks, Cupid. You rock.