The Guy Who Didn’t Think He Was Bi

WHY? WHY does shit like this keep happening to me? I just want to find a normal guy to date, fall in love with, marry and have babies with. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, yes.

Recently I was matched up with a cute brunette on Tinder. His profile said he was 33 and newly single. We’ll call him BG for BI GUY. Here’s our conversation:

Me: Happy Sunday! Do anything fun this weekend?
BG: Crazy Saturday, lazy Sunday. You?

Chat, chat, chat.

Me: So, how’s Tinder treating you so far?
BG: Just got it. Woke up this morning to 100 matches! LOL! Not sure what hit me!
Me: 100 matches? Not too picky, huh? I’ve only had like 20 over the last month!
BG: Haha! Building a harem 🙂 Really? You’re gorgeous! Must be different for girls.
Me: Newly single huh? Brave to jump on here!
BG: Maybe you’ll be my first?
Me: Always happy to pop an online dating cherry 🙂

Chat, chat, chat… where do you live, what do you do, etc.

A couple of days later, when it gets weird…
Me: So, how are those 100 matches treating you?
BG: Good! I think I may get to live out a few long time fantasies. (Yes, he has just sealed his fate that he is now NEVER going on a date with me.)
Me: Oh really? Like what? (Come on, like you guys didn’t want to know?!)
BG: I think this girl and guy and I are going to hook up.
Me: Ooook, then.
BG: I have a fantasy about a girl teaching me to such cock. (I’m sorry. WHAT? Maybe this is why you’re no longer with your girlfriend?)
Me: Interesting. Do you just want her to teach you or do you want to suck his cock too? (Now, I needed specifics.)
BG: I think it would be erotic if we did it together basically. Stopping, kissing each other too. All of us.
Me: So, you’re bi, right?
BG: Never tried it. Just a fantasy.
Me: Hope you have fun and that works out for you! Def think we’re looking for different things on here. Have a good Thanksgiving and travel safe!
BG: Cool. You too!

And that happened. Next!

I read some of your comments and wanted to clarify something, I’m 100% supportive of people experimenting with their sexuality.  Obviously, this is something BG needed to do.  The thing that is weird about this exchange is that he felt the need to tell me about it after we had talked for 10 minutes over 2 days.  It was just a little too much info for a tinder chat, ya know?

10 Comments

  1. Maybe he isn’t the guy for you, but you come off as *really* judgmental, maybe even a bit homophobic. A man who wants to explore his sexuality, horrors! I think a post about what your limits are in the bedroom would be really interesting. Though maybe if I read a few more posts I’ll be able to figure them out.

    1. I’m sorry you feel like I’m judgmental – I swear I’m not! I’ve written about everything from one night stands to polyamorous relationships and am 100% supportive in people doing what they want. Because of your comment I added a little bit to my blog above. The issue with this guy for me was that it was a lot of personal info to share after talking for only a few minutes. Ya know? Hopefully, you can read a few more posts and get a better idea of the blogger I am. I’ve been writing for 5 years – there is a lot to read!

  2. I would be curious to know what “Chat, chat, chat” is, being that you seem to have been trolled to leave him alone… just a guess but it’s something I would do if a chick was beautiful, started communicating with me, and then turned out to be annoying as all hell. He may be having a laugh at your expense with buying it, but who knows. It was an easier (and funnier out) than telling you that you offended him at one point during “Chat, chat, chat”, this way he doesn’t have to answer the “why” that comes with honesty.

    Great story though, it made my morning.

    1. When I say chat, chat, chat – I mean people doing the get to know you questions. Where do you live in LA? What do you do for a living? Etc. Nothing all that exciting, just the dating interview q’s you feel like you need to ask and get out of the way.

      I definitely don’t think he was laughing at me. His tone was pretty serious and if that’s what he was looking for, I’m glad he found it! But, hey, I’ve been wrong before!

    2. Oh I get what “Chat, chat, chat” means, I was more alluding to the things said. I always say that guys who get offended will never tell you but will fade away as soon as it happens. Did you tell him video games were childish or only dumb jocks watch Football? Not really asking, just kinda explaining where I was going with the comment.

      Damn though… I guess if it’s legit he was maybe waiting for you to offer up a lesson with a male 3rd instead of his hookup? I’m not getting why him sharing it with you would make any sense if he was trying to get with you at any point. This is too funny.

  3. Emily, keep up the good work. Its hilarious and I agree with you. I too am exhausted with online dating. I don’t have any funny profile pics handy but one of the best ones I saw was one of a bull mounting a cow…..WTF?

  4. At the risk of sounding socially incorrect in these ridiculous times (like I give a shit), there is no such thing as a bi-sexual male. I’ll judge him for Emily. As a philosopher once said: “you either suck dick or you DO NOT suck dick! End of story.” Don’t overthink it. As for Emily’s sexual proclivity, what you glean from this blog is that she can be on the “varsity go team” if conditions are right (just invite her to a wedding, look good in a suit and/or ply with alcohol) but is otherwise traditional and conservative in the sack. With double-D’s and a willingness to give BJs, she doesn’t need to go the extra mile that some girls have to go to keep a man interested, if you know what I mean.

    1. PrinceFuckingCharming….love your comments. Perfect… I think that is what most women single in their 30 – 40 are like…maybe younger…what is so hard about meeting a man who wants a woman…why have I been I been approached by men who want to share high heels with me when I am obviously straight?

    2. I was going to say… since when do you care about being socially incorrect? 🙂 As for your take on my sexuality – 10 points to you my friends. 10 points.

  5. I agree with you. That is very strange for him to tell you that so soon. It’s a blessing though, huh! Did he not think telling you that would drive you away? It makes you wonder if he’s unconsciously sabotaging his chances because he is gay. I dunno. Interesting story though! 🙂

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