The Other Woman: Part 3 – Red Flags Everywhere… I Find a Condom Wrapper That Isn’t Mine!

To recap… I’m dating a guy a new from high school who lives in New York. We’ve now been dating for 3 months. Everything so far is going well. Great conversations, great visits, great sex. But, I’m starting to see red flags and he now has a stalker. Here are parts 1 & 2 for you to catch up on if you need to!

I left my last trip to New York feeling good about our week together. LDC and I continue doing what we do… Talking a ton throughout the week and then only touching base on the weekends. I’m not a jealous person and I’m not needy, so this wasn’t an issue for me. I was trying to be a grown up and trust someone whole heartily and without question (I have a couple of years of therapy to thank for this!). Apparently, this is when he started dating B (ex-girlfriend) again.

Reminder – he was engaged and broke off the engagement more than a year ago to his girlfriend of 8+ years, A (ex-fiancé). The reason his engagement was broken off was because he was cheating on A with B (ex-girlfriend). Got it?

I can thank the rekindling of this romance to our friend Stalker Sarah. Due to of all of the emails she sent and impersonating she did, LDC had to get back in touch with B. This talking grew into more and they started dating and sleeping together again. Then you have me in LA feeling horrible that my boyfriend is dealing with Stalker Sarah by himself when really he’s in love with someone else, still in an emotional relationship with his ex-fiance (that I was partly aware of), and stringing me along. As if that wasn’t bad enough…

So, for our next rendezvous we planned on meeting in San Francisco. He and I both lived there separately (unknowingly in apartments 3 blocks apart at the same time) for a few years and almost all of our college friends live there. This trip was going to be great for both of us. We knew the city well, but were on neutral territory. A week before the trip LDC still hadn’t booked his flight. I, of course, got super pissed about this. Every minute he waited the flights were getting more and more expensive. I also had the hotel booked and dinner reservations made. He then tells me he can’t take the time off work and why don’t I just come back to NYC. Ok, then. I look at fights and book them that night. We swore on his trip to LA that if we were going to try to make this work we wouldn’t go more than 4 weeks without seeing each other in person and more than 3 days without talking on the phone. Texting, gchat, etc. was a no brainer. So far, so good. Trip booked. I was going to be there from Wednesday – Monday and couldn’t wait to see him. (Note: buying a cross-country flight one week out isn’t cheap.)

I text him on Wednesday morning and tell him I can’t wait to see him. He texts me back and says “tomorrow, right?” WHAT. THE. FUCK? Are you kidding me? Yes, I get this minutes before I get on the plane. Unreal. The entire flight I’m thinking I shouldn’t have gone, but followed my heart and hoped for the best. The flight was a nightmare. No WiFi and the flight attendant spilled a stack of trash cups on my lap so when I arrived I smelled like barf. Yes, I cried in Newark.

My visit to NYC was interesting. Wednesday night we had a great dinner and spent a romantic night back at his apartment catching up on life and each other. Thursday we went to his office softball game. I’m introduced as “Emily” (not other title), but that didn’t throw me. On the way home in the cab we had the DTR. LDC can’t be in a long distance “real” relationship with me because it’s too hard. I live too far away. He needs more and I can’t give him that. I, like any other woman who just flew across the country to see a man she’s been dating for the last few months, took that conversation for what it was worth and hoped my sexual prowess would win him over throughout the weekend. Just like the other weekends together, he’d know what he was missing once we were together for a few days.

Now, keep in mind I was staying at HIS apartment. He went to work on Friday. I got ready for the meetings I had and  cleaned up a little after myself that morning (girls, it’s a must to wipe down the floor after you dry your hair. Hair on the floor is gross). That was when I found the condom wrapper. NOW… he doesn’t buy condoms. He HATES them (hence my love for Lucky Bloke and me going back on the pill). So, when I found the corner of a condom wrapper next to his bathroom trashcan I was more than suspicious. It was a shitty Trojan ultra ribbed condom. The kind you buy when you don’t know any better. I decided to sit on that for the day and bring it up when he got home.

BTW, yes, I realize I’m a moron. You don’t need to tell me. Love and I were apparently BLIND.

Friday night rolls around. He comes home early and I had already picked up a bottle of wine for us to drink. I had also made reservations for us that night in Harlem at a hot restaurant I was dying to try.

He walks in. I’m working. After a few minutes I pull out the piece of the condom wrapper.
Me: What’s this?
Him: That? I have no clue… what is it?
Me: It’s a condom wrapper and I don’t use these shitty condoms.
Him: Woah. That’s crazy! Where did you find that?
Me: In the bathroom. You did a pretty crappy job at cleaning up. Who are you sleeping with? (Mind you, I’m totally calm right now and a glass of wine in.)
Him: I promise you on my niece (yes, she was just born) that’s not mine. Maybe it was (insert friend’s name) when he stayed here when I was out of town. I’m so sorry! You must be freaking out!

I have learned now that LDC has an amazing way of turning things around to where you feel like an asshole for when he’s lying to you. I decide to let it go and we share the rest of the bottle of wine. He tells me he’s just too tired to go out and orders dinner in. I’m disappointed, sad, and drunk so I run down the street to get another bottle of wine to ease the pain. After dinner, LDC goes to sleep early (like 10ish). I’m WIDE awake, drunk and bored, and need something to do. The entire night his iPad is giving us NFL draft updates and it’s driving me nuts.

I grab the iPad and try to fix the settings so the alerts stop. That’s when I start snooping. I mean, can you blame me? I just found a condom wrapper and wanted to see what else there was. I started and ended with his messages. There were several between him and A that were dated in early February (right around when we started talking, but weren’t dating). All harmless. Then I got to the messages between him and his co-worker, Vanessa. He’s told me a lot about her. She’s 25, overly confident, and I know is in love with LDC. I scroll through the very inappropriate back and forth between them. I see that he sent her a video and she calls him Romeo.

This is when my heart fell to my stomach. This video is a photo montage with captions (ala Juan Pablo from the Bachelor) telling B how in love with her he is and how he fucked up and wishes she would take him back. This video was sent to Vanessa in April, it’s now May. I know in my gut he sent it to B too. The best part? This video included photos that I took of him on my last trip to New York. So, he’s sleeping in the bed 2 feet from me and I watch this video 3 times. On the 3rd time, I wake him up and go bat shit crazy between my drunken sobs.

“How dare you let me come out here when you’re in love with someone else!”
“Are you sleeping with her again?”
“How could you send her a video with pictures in it that were special moments we shared together? DO YOU SEE HOW FUCKED UP THAT IS?”

He just sat there. He calmly told me I was drunk, acting crazy, and wanted to know why I was going through his iPad in the first place. At this point I lose my shit, grab my coat and leave. I walked through the Upper East Side for 2 hours. 60 blocks, 4 phone calls, and 3 bummed cigarettes later I go back to the apartment and go to sleep. On my walk I realized it was going to cost me almost a grand to change my flight to go home and/or stay in a hotel for the rest of the weekend. I had to suck it up and deal.

Oddly enough… once I put this behind me the rest of the weekend was really fun. He was stressed about work and his brother coming out to visit the next weekend, but Saturday and Sunday were about us. Little did he know Stalker Sarah had other plans and he’d be charged with theft and battery the following week. Karma’s a bitch and so is Sarah.


  1. As an admirer of yours, it pisses me off that you got so played. As a man with sometimes less than honorable intentions with certain women, I vaguely recognize his reaction to you as a perfect rendition from the “deny ’til you die” playbook. You shortchanged us in the final paragraph though. You went from smart, pissed-off chick about to crazy on his ass to…”we had a nice rest of the weekend.” Did you just concede to yourself that it was over and basically ride out (pun intended) the rest of the weekend to make it as fun as possible? Something doesn’t compute.

    1. To answer you question… yes, that’s exactly what I did. I liked him a lot and was hoping that if we had an amazing rest of the weekend he would ditch the other girl(s) and realize that I was the one he wanted. I was also trying to trick myself into believing everything I saw wasn’t true. It’s been SO long since I was remotely happy with someone and I didn’t want to believe anything that was happening. And when I say I liked him… we had a connection I can’t explain. There aren’t many people you can spend a week with and not get sick of. We would spend a week together and then talk for an hour on the phone on my way home from the airport after my trip to see him. I can honestly say I miss that. Not the physical connection, which was pretty dead on too, but the emotional one. That’s where I’m having trouble bouncing back.

    2. We both know that PFC can cure what ails you (and probably vice versa). One could spend at least 10 days with me before getting sick….or so my mom would tell you. Guess you just got caught up in it all – love can do that to a person. I think most of your readers have learned the hard way one time or another. Lesson: If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck….don’t be surprised if it’s a duck! Your dude had a full tank of bullshit and got so tangled up in his craziness he didn’t even realize how out of control he is/was. Your story made my head spin. I mean, c’mon, we’ve all juggled a few people before, but this situation was sick. Mostly because he seemed to be serious with everyone involved, including the stalker. Even the crazy broads don’t go THAT crazy unless they think they’re in deep already. You’ll bounce back. This was an anomaly, as was your own reaction and your own behavior. Everyone sees what they want to see sometimes, instead of reality. One night with the PFC and you won’t remember this guy’s name.

    1. I know who Vanessa and B are. Seen photos. They are different people. I’ll explain more this week when I post the next installment. I’m sorry it hasn’t been posted sooner, they’ve been harder to write than I thought they were going to be.

      And don’t worry about PFC – he’s been a blog fan for years, we just take what he says with optimistic ears and a grain of salt 🙂

    2. Thanks for clearing that lil’ bit up ( Vanessa & B).
      I’m dying for the next installment of your story!
      PFC is just a mildly irritating attention whore… His overblown machismo is revealing , so he is usually ignored, but (above) he annoyed me with his shortsighted (male) conclusions. I don’t think you got played by LDC. I believe that LDC got in way over his head, was in love with & loved by multiple people, and it got messy. I understand how difficult words come when writing about heartbreak. They feel cheap, one dimensional, failing to capture what was your beautiful disaster. I get U, boo.

    3. Thanks lady! Posting the next installment now. 🙂 These have been harder to write than I thought. It’s like I get to relive it all over and over again! And PFC is a little brash, but we love him and you – so lets all play nice in the comment sandbox.

      As for your take on the relationship – thank you! I got LOTS of emails and tweets about what an idiot I was to follow my heart with LDC, so I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your comment. Now, I do believe he is a sociopath after I’ve done a little research, so there’s that too. Thanks for having my back. xoxo

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