The Other Woman: Part 4 – He Goes to Jail & I’m Home in Tears

Are you all caught up? Quick recap… dating a guy I knew from high school who lives in New York. We’ve now been dating a little over 3 months. Red flags everywhere, but love is blind and he’s amazingly good at turning red flag moments into me thinking I’m crazy. Speaking of crazy he has a stalker, still talks to his ex-fiancé (“A”) and I found a video of him declaring his love for his ex-gf (“B,” who was the reason he didn’t get married) on his iPad. Judge all you want. Even reading this for spelling errors I feel like an idiot, but in the moment, I was happy and again, he’s pretty slick.

I return home after my trip to visit LDC and things continue as the normally did. We talk everyday, chat online during work, etc. until shit completely hits the fan a couple of days later. LDC calls me in a panic Friday morning. Stalker Sarah has ramped it up even more and has now pressed charges against him. These include theft and battery (yes, seriously). The precinct has called LDC at work and told him he needs to turn himself in. He’s, of course, FREAKING OUT. So, he calls me.

*Note in my mind I’ve been thinking that maybe Stalker Sarah isn’t totally lying… hence this text (Ignore the auto correct – bring = being.)

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Now, men who claim they would just deal with this themselves are lying. Get real. Every man I know would call a woman in a crisis like this and lean on them for a little support. I was LDC’s girl “friend” and I did what I do – I went into action. I’m that girl that gets things done. Need a costume for a party in two hours? Done. A package didn’t arrive and it’s something you need today? I will either track down the package or get you what’s inside. I’m that good. So, help the person I believed I was in a relationship with when he’s in trouble? No brainer.

At the same time this was all going down, LDC’s brother was coming into town for the weekend. I was relived he was coming to New York. He would keep LDC company while also helping he deal with all of this drama he currently had in his life. At this point I was even looking into flights to see if I could get back out to New York to be supportive. I felt horrible that I was so far away.

It took me exactly 2.5 hours to find LDC a reputable lawyer who could see him that later that day. LDC took the afternoon off work and headed to the law office where he was going to meet his brother who was going to hear about EVERYTHING for the first time. LDC’s brother apparently knew nothing about me, Sarah, or all of the drama LDC was currently experiencing.

I was a basket case all day… after I sent him the contact info for the lawyer, LDC had the balls to ask me if the lawyer was reputable. Steam was coming out of my ears. Seriously? LDC called me later that night and gave me a play-by-play of everything that happened and what his next steps were. He had to turn himself in and go to jail. Jail.

So, the following week he turns himself in and spends the night in the slammer. In New York City. Can you imagine? And here I am sitting at home literally crying about what a horrible girl “friend” I am that I’m not there to help and be supportive. I can’t drop him off, pick him up, hug him, and tell him everything is going to be okay. That’s the person I am and even though I knew things had changed between us after my last trip and everything he was dealing with, I was still that person that didn’t want him to be experiencing all of this pain.

If I knew then what I knew now I would have happily sent him to jail myself… but again, at this point I’m in the dark about the life he’s really living and feeling horrible for him (get excited for part 5!).

The morning after the night he spent in jail he called me. We talked for two hours about his experience there. How scary, yet eye opening it was for him. How it made him look at so many things in his life differently. How he wanted to truly be grateful for what he had and not take things and people for granted like he had in the past… You get the idea.

The next few weeks things were weird. LDC wasn’t as chatty, our romantic banter had weaned, yet he still needed constant affirmation and attention. Yes, we still managed to sext – imagine that! He asked me to comment on his instagram posts, he would often complain about how lonely he was and that he would just spend the weekends “working out.” Yes. Again. Red. Flags. Everywhere.

Ladies, if your boyfriend has NO friends (or just girlfriends), RUN. Run far, far away because that guy is a bad new bears.

So, after two weeks of awkwardness and forced communication, which I thought was just the result of the stress he was experiencing from Sarah and jail, I knew we had to have a conversation about the state of our “relationship/friendship.” He missed two scheduled phone dates and when we did talk he told me he didn’t want to have a serious conversation like this over the phone and we could discuss it next time we saw each other.

I had an email written to him that had all my thoughts in one place. Everyday I edited and added. Then out of the blue in early June he told he wanted to come visit and that we should start looking at flights. Um, what?!? Scheduling wise and cost wise we couldn’t make a last minute trip work, but he wanted it to and to me that was a sign that I needed to stick with it a little bit longer… I was still following my heart and trusting him fully.

And then June 9 happened. June 9. June 9. The day that mercury went into retrograde, LDC called to officially “break up with me,” and his ex-fiancé and his ex-gf emailed and conferenced called me to tell me they both had just confronted him, broken up with him, and knew about me. Yes, just call me Kate Upton from The Other Woman. The fact that I am Kate Upton was the only positive I could see at this point…

Part 5 will explain how June 9 and LDC went down in flames and how I got some kick ass break up abs.

10 Comments

  1. Em – this should shhh all the haters who bash U. Who could blame U for giving LDC a chance when he’s communicating and keeping you up on his drama? Obviously, the honeymoon was over after U saw the video, and you saw those red flags waving at you, killing Ur buzz, but love is a drug & it feels f’ing fabulous! You were generous & kind (and ahem, forgiving!). I applaud you for going all in. That’s the only way to find real love. It sucks that LDC was spreading himself too thin, but now you can move on w/ no regrets.

    1. I thought about it last night and decided I wasn’t blinded by love, I was blinded by happiness. I know I didn’t love LDC, but I was happy and I think that can be an even stronger emotion at times. Thank you again for your support! Not sure if I’ll be able to go all in anytime soon, but it was worth a shot!

  2. Mel, one look at your profile pic says it all. Cuckoo Cuckoo Cuckoo…! First of all, Emily has no haters here and no one has “bashed” her whatsoever regarding this story. So that’s what you call a straw man argument (you can look that up). Emily knows I shoot straight and that my advice/observations are spot on. Or maybe it’s just a male perspective….something I may be more qualified to give than you. On the other hand, your inane, teenage wannabe Carrie Bradshaw, crazy-chick posts illustrate clearly that you are a woman that guys run away from. The LAST person Emily should be receiving advice or comfort from. That camoflauge hat and those glasses might be de rigeur when you’re playing bridge with Gertrude, Pearl, Barbra Streisand and Rambo over at the Golden Girls’ house but I have considered that it may just be your man-repellent outfit. The shades barely conceal the crazy eyes but they’re tough to hide. You’re the only one bashing anyone here. Clearly, your talents, whatever they may be, lie somewhere other than providing other women with love advice.

    1. No, no, no. Please no bashing here. Kids, play nice in the sandbox or please don’t play at all. I appreciate any and all feedback! (Even the ones who were VERY mean on my married men on tinder post!). Just DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE!

    2. PFC – Feeling a lil’ Jelly? Did I threaten U? U must’ve missed the convo in the pt. 3 comment sections where Em-Mac told ME of peeps Bashing her for “being an idot”… not about U… Do U always take things so literally?! Am I to think Ur a real Fucking Prince? My hat was a GIFT – an homage to my service to our country… glamo-camo…. How could U think I WASN’T parodying myself (at least, I possess’d an image that was REAL, I wasn’t hiding. BTW, caution! I am NOT really a Powerpuff Girl, now, just so U know?!) I really care for E-Mac (not trying to seduce people via internet) and all like her. I have found my love, my mate, my everything and want that for her/them. This is a world I don’t live in, but once did. I feel for her in her/their struggle. U launched an angry, aggressive, personal attack, mostly based on my pic… so-o-ooo low… I function on a much higher level than the skeevy likes of U! Seek treatment is all I can say.

    3. PFC, while I always appreciate your comments, this one was below the belt. Don’t be an asshole. I appreciate everyone’s comment but not at the expense of someone else. Cool? Mel’s support has been amazing and I have truly appreciated it.

  3. Dear PrinceFuckingCharming,

    Just because you’re a male, doesn’t make you qualified to be the representative of all males. I see you comment on this blog a lot, and so do I. But, I almost completely 100 percent disagree with everything you’ve ever said. I’m a male, does that mean I disagree with THE “male perspective”? Or does that mean I disagree with you? Some random overly arrogant ass clown on the internet.

    And who declared this statement to be true “Emily knows I shoot straight and that my advice/observations are spot on.”? You?

    If so I’d like to be quoted as “Emily knows I’m the strongest, smartest, most attractive person on the internet”. It’s true, because I think it’s true.

    Again, PrinceFuckingCharming, doesn’t represent the male perspective, and neither do I.

    1. Thanks, I understood it the first time. FTR, I was merely responding to provocation from crazy Mel and never represented that my comments were those of ALL men. Certainly not worth getting your dander up about it. Your cliche enlightented-male, aw-shucks pussy with the women’s perspective shtick is tiresome. Between your tweets, your blogs and on this board, you’ve got an Yeti-sized internet footprint. So who’s the overly arrogant ass-clown, the guy who keeps to himself and comments on someone’s blog once in awhile, or the blatant cry for attention and time-wasting devoted to all the dating your not doing and the sex you aren’t having. And the self-importance in getting involved in something that has nothing to do with you, THAT’s arrogance. My intention was not to get into a flame-war on this board as I enjoy Emily’s blog very much and genuinely have a soft spot for what she’s going through. So, I appreciate your feedback and perhaps we can all retreat to our corners and just comment on Emily’s stories with our point of view. And don’t sell yourself short, you may just be the most strongest, smartest, most attractive person on the internet!

    2. Well said Steve! And in all honesty, no one is ever 100% right with their advice and observations. You guys are just getting a glimpse at what happened with LDC. As you know, there’s always more to the story! I truly appreciate everyone’s feedback – to me it means you guys care enough to read and give me your opinion. Comments are what keeps me going – the good, the bad, and the sassy!

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