Are you all caught up? Quick recap… dating a guy I knew from high school who lives in New York. We’ve now been dating a little over 3 months. Red flags everywhere, but love is blind and he’s amazingly good at turning red flag moments into me thinking I’m crazy. Speaking of crazy he has a stalker, still talks to his ex-fiancé (“A”) and I found a video of him declaring his love for his ex-gf (“B,” who was the reason he didn’t get married) on his iPad. Judge all you want. Even reading this for spelling errors I feel like an idiot, but in the moment, I was happy and again, he’s pretty slick.
I return home after my trip to visit LDC and things continue as the normally did. We talk everyday, chat online during work, etc. until shit completely hits the fan a couple of days later. LDC calls me in a panic Friday morning. Stalker Sarah has ramped it up even more and has now pressed charges against him. These include theft and battery (yes, seriously). The precinct has called LDC at work and told him he needs to turn himself in. He’s, of course, FREAKING OUT. So, he calls me.
*Note in my mind I’ve been thinking that maybe Stalker Sarah isn’t totally lying… hence this text (Ignore the auto correct – bring = being.)
Now, men who claim they would just deal with this themselves are lying. Get real. Every man I know would call a woman in a crisis like this and lean on them for a little support. I was LDC’s girl “friend” and I did what I do – I went into action. I’m that girl that gets things done. Need a costume for a party in two hours? Done. A package didn’t arrive and it’s something you need today? I will either track down the package or get you what’s inside. I’m that good. So, help the person I believed I was in a relationship with when he’s in trouble? No brainer.
At the same time this was all going down, LDC’s brother was coming into town for the weekend. I was relived he was coming to New York. He would keep LDC company while also helping he deal with all of this drama he currently had in his life. At this point I was even looking into flights to see if I could get back out to New York to be supportive. I felt horrible that I was so far away.
It took me exactly 2.5 hours to find LDC a reputable lawyer who could see him that later that day. LDC took the afternoon off work and headed to the law office where he was going to meet his brother who was going to hear about EVERYTHING for the first time. LDC’s brother apparently knew nothing about me, Sarah, or all of the drama LDC was currently experiencing.
I was a basket case all day… after I sent him the contact info for the lawyer, LDC had the balls to ask me if the lawyer was reputable. Steam was coming out of my ears. Seriously? LDC called me later that night and gave me a play-by-play of everything that happened and what his next steps were. He had to turn himself in and go to jail. Jail.
So, the following week he turns himself in and spends the night in the slammer. In New York City. Can you imagine? And here I am sitting at home literally crying about what a horrible girl “friend” I am that I’m not there to help and be supportive. I can’t drop him off, pick him up, hug him, and tell him everything is going to be okay. That’s the person I am and even though I knew things had changed between us after my last trip and everything he was dealing with, I was still that person that didn’t want him to be experiencing all of this pain.
If I knew then what I knew now I would have happily sent him to jail myself… but again, at this point I’m in the dark about the life he’s really living and feeling horrible for him (get excited for part 5!).
The morning after the night he spent in jail he called me. We talked for two hours about his experience there. How scary, yet eye opening it was for him. How it made him look at so many things in his life differently. How he wanted to truly be grateful for what he had and not take things and people for granted like he had in the past… You get the idea.
The next few weeks things were weird. LDC wasn’t as chatty, our romantic banter had weaned, yet he still needed constant affirmation and attention. Yes, we still managed to sext – imagine that! He asked me to comment on his instagram posts, he would often complain about how lonely he was and that he would just spend the weekends “working out.” Yes. Again. Red. Flags. Everywhere.
Ladies, if your boyfriend has NO friends (or just girlfriends), RUN. Run far, far away because that guy is a bad new bears.
So, after two weeks of awkwardness and forced communication, which I thought was just the result of the stress he was experiencing from Sarah and jail, I knew we had to have a conversation about the state of our “relationship/friendship.” He missed two scheduled phone dates and when we did talk he told me he didn’t want to have a serious conversation like this over the phone and we could discuss it next time we saw each other.
I had an email written to him that had all my thoughts in one place. Everyday I edited and added. Then out of the blue in early June he told he wanted to come visit and that we should start looking at flights. Um, what?!? Scheduling wise and cost wise we couldn’t make a last minute trip work, but he wanted it to and to me that was a sign that I needed to stick with it a little bit longer… I was still following my heart and trusting him fully.
And then June 9 happened. June 9. June 9. The day that mercury went into retrograde, LDC called to officially “break up with me,” and his ex-fiancé and his ex-gf emailed and conferenced called me to tell me they both had just confronted him, broken up with him, and knew about me. Yes, just call me Kate Upton from The Other Woman. The fact that I am Kate Upton was the only positive I could see at this point…
Part 5 will explain how June 9 and LDC went down in flames and how I got some kick ass break up abs.