The Other Woman: Part 5 – He Gets Caught

Another quick recap… I’m dating a guy I knew from high school who lives in New York. We’ve been dating for a few months now. Things started off amazing, but quickly I was inundated with red flags and manipulative excuses that made me feel like I was the one doing something wrong. This man I trusted so whole heartedly has a stalker, still talks to and has a very dependent emotional relationship with his ex-fiancé (aka “A”), and I’m pretty sure is still in love with his ex-gf (aka “B,” who is the reason his wedding got called off in the first place). I’m 3000 miles away, at times happy, and trying to make things work. I’ve been dating for 20 years. It’s hard to find someone you want to spend an hour with let alone a week. I’ve loved my time with LDC and wanted desperately for things to work. I’m ready to be done. Done dating, done searching, and done being single.

Things weren’t going great and I had wanted to have a deep talk with LDC about our relationship. He didn’t want to have this conversation and avoided it at all costs.  I was feeling under appreciated and he was being distant, but I blamed these things on the stress of his life and not on him. We still talked everyday, but things were definitely different than they had been even a couple of weeks earlier. Now, it’s June 9. A week earlier LDC and I had talked about him coming out to see me in LA. Over the past few months we agreed that we wouldn’t go longer than a month without seeing each other and this trip would fall in line with that promise. Out of the blue he told me he needed to get out of New York and wanted to see me. It was like things were back on track…

Back to June 9. It’s the start of Mercury in retrograde. If you know anything about astrology this is when everything goes to shit. And did it ever.

This specific afternoon I was at a client meeting. I got a text from LDC asking me if I was around. Due to our time difference talking at 3pm pst was normal for us. I usually needed a break in my day and he was just getting home from work. I responded with “yup!” and called him while I was sitting on the 405 in traffic heading back to my office. So, I was obviously in a fab mood already! (Insert sarcasm. LA traffic is the world’s biggest buzz kill.)

Our conversation was short and to the point. LDC told me that he had been talking to B again and while nothing had happened yet, he wanted to tell me that he was going to give it another go with her. They had been talking since Stalker Sarah had reopened that door for him and he would regret not giving their relationship another try. I asked him again if he had already cheated on me and he reassured me that he was being honest and wanted to “do the right thing by me” by telling me before something had happened between them. (Note: I am giving you QUOTES people. These are things he actually said!)

I took the conversation in stride. We were officially broken up, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have a few things I wanted to get off my chest. I mean, I had the entire conversation I had been wanting to have with him for weeks written down in an email and I was definitely going to share it with him!

I was angry for a variety of reasons. Not because he had just broken up with me, but because he got to have this conversation on his timeline when I had been wanting to have mine for weeks. I was pissed that Sarah’s bullshit had brought him and B back together. I was furious that he still didn’t understand how I felt unappreciated. So, I read him the email I wrote him. He literally responded with “these are all valid points. I’m sorry.”

LDC told me he had also invited A over to tell her he couldn’t continue a friendship with her anymore either so he could truly make things work between him and B. He was getting all of his ducks in a row. He just didn’t know what was coming…

I didn’t cry. I was just pissed. After this short and not sweet convo I walked down the street to get my nails done. I was heading out-of-town a few days later to see friends in San Francisco and wanted to look presentable. I sat in the massage chair stunned at how quickly things changed. As my nails where drying I checked my email… about eight new emails were in my inbox from B. WHAT THE FUCK?!?

(I’m sure you want to know… how did she have my email? B had my email address from one of the emails Sarah had sent me that LDC had forwarded along in his attempt to prove that Sarah was crazy. Again, he told both A and B I was just a friend from high school which was totally believable.)

There was an intro email and then several “supporting” emails with jpgs of texts, pictures, videos, etc. I was sick to my stomach.

The email read: (and yes, picture me hyperventilating as you’re reading this. In all honesty, it’s still hard to read, but I give B  a lot of credit. It is a great email!)

“My name is B. I know we never met and you probably have no idea who I am. I want to introduce myself as ‘the other woman’.

I want to take a minute of your time to tell you the truth about LDC. All I want is for you to read this email and take away from it what you will. I’ve been dating LDC on and off for about three years. During the course of our relationship, he made me believe I was the only one, but unfortunately due to facts I recently uncovered and that I am attaching as proof to this email, that wasn’t the case. My relationship with LDC began when he was cheating on A with me. My whole relationship with him was a lie because he was in a relationship with at least one other person at the same time while telling me how much he loves me and wants to marry me and grow old together. To make a really long story short, every I love you, every I’m sorry, every kiss, every hug, every sweet and loving text, every I miss you, every you’re my family, every you’re my best friend, my partner, the love of my life, my confidant, the only one that knows the truth, was also told to someone else at the same exact time.

This is all factual information that was confirmed with A with who I compared texts, emails, timelines, and lies. LDC did a really good job leading a double life and convincing both of us that we were special. Unfortunately for him that time has come to an end. As of today A and I are no longer communicating with him which leaves him plenty of time to pursue his next target, which happens to be you. The sole intention of this email is to warn you about what you have gotten yourself into: a world of lies and manipulation and heartache. I can confidently say that you will not be any different from me or A, but try he will to convince you otherwise. I found the cards you sent him from April and May and I know you two are involved (pictures attached). I also know that you know about Sarah who is another one of his victims. LDC was involved with her and got her pregnant (see abortion papers attached along with the email she sent him that he edited to me when sending the email version).

This email has nothing to do with me wanting him in my life and trying to keep him away from you. I want nothing to do with him. We’re done. All I’m trying to do is for you to cut your losses and run the other way so you don’t suffer the way I have. You seem like a good person, which is his typical target, and you will end up heartbroken in the end.

Attached are some emails and texts both A and I received that will support the information in my email. I’m sorry because I know this will hurt and you will want to be proven wrong. Be warned that he will deny it all and will blame someone, anyone else. It took me over three years to uncover the truth and I’m trying to save you some time. I have nothing to lose or gain so please understand that this is the truth about LDC.”

Now, my first thought was “this has to be Sarah” again. I emailed B back and asked for proof that it was in fact her. Minutes later she sent me an email with a picture of she and A telling me that they had just confronted LDC and would love to chat if I was ok and had a minute. I hadn’t even looked at the other emails yet, but called them immediately.

We talked for about 15 minutes. LDC had told them I was a friend from high school. Because I was in LA I was very easy to hide. Except for a few cards I had left him (that he kept in his desk drawer) and my comments on his Instagram pictures, they knew almost nothing about me. Our call got cut short when LDC called to tell me that A and B had just confronted him and his life was over. Seriously… the dude who just broke up with me was calling to tell me he got what he deserved and his heart was broken. Not because he lost me, but because he lost the other two women in his life. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

I told the girls I would see what he had to say and call them back. My call with LDC went something like this…
LDC: Well, I got what I deserve. A and B were just at my place together.
Me: I know. I just got off the phone with them.
LDC: WHAT??
Me: Yup, they just called me and told me everything.
LDC: WHAT??

LDC and I talked for a few hours that night. I was broken. I had spent years in therapy trying to learn how to trust men and he had undone that in a matter of months – really, in the span on a few hours. He told me how badly he needed our friendship and that he wouldn’t be able to get through things without me. I told him if he had any hope of ever talking again he needed to repair what he had destroyed. At the time, I wasn’t sad about losing him as a boyfriend, but I was devastated about losing our friendship. Over the last few months we had created this amazing bond based on communication and I was panic-stricken over that being gone forever.

That night I sobbed as we FaceTimed. He watched as a dissolved in front of his eyes. I was so shocked I had been deceived and so upset with myself that I allowed it to happen. For the first time in my life I followed my heart and happiness and look what it got me!

After we hung up the phone I finally read through all of the attachments and emails B had sent me. Another blunt strike to the heart and stomach. The last weekend I was there LDC told B he was in Baltimore on a business trip and told A he had a soccer tournament in Jersey. There was even a text that he had sent A about how much he loved her minutes after we had just had sex right before I left to come home. I threw up three times that night.

The next morning the girls and I had a conference call to discuss my call with LDC and compare timelines of our relationships. They wanted to know what I knew and what I didn’t know. In the end we all came the conclusion that he lied about almost everything. Remember when he told me he went MIA because he was upset about A getting engaged? A hasn’t dated anyone but LDC in the last 8 years. And the video I found on his iPad in May? B sent that to me as proof that he was with her. He had sent that to her in April.

The girls are I talked several more times over the course of that week. We emailed, texted, and were there for each other. My friends and family were supportive, but A and B understood. We were truly the movie The Other Woman. In the end we realized that while we’re all very different, we all have a lot in common. LDC was trying to make the perfect girlfriend by having us all in his life, but all he really needed was constant affirmation and attention – something we were all willing and happy give him.

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Now, don’t think this story is over yet… It’s almost like this is where it starts. With the stalker case still needing to go to court and A’s relationship with LDC’s family and friends (they were going to get married) needing to be addressed now that the cat was out of the bag we needed a woman on the inside to get the dirt. He thought we were friends…

3 Comments

  1. Wow – no wonder it’s been so hard to find words to capture what you’ve been going thru. LDC is a black hole of neediness – how sad for him and those who try to fill his void. It’s amazing that A & B + YOU can heal each other by completely understanding how you happened into this nightmare. Usually, when shit goes down, all of the questions nag on with no hope of answers. You got lucky – LDC wasted years of A+B’s life – blocked them from finding other loves. It sounds like the wrath of 3 enraged Women is gonna be holy living Hell on Heels for LDC! Can’t wait to read about the payback phase…

  2. Hooooooleeeeeeeeecrap! Karma really is a bitch, ain’t it LDC. Weaselly fucker. I didn’t think stuff like this really happened. I mean, who would even WANT or BE ABLE to carry on a relationship with 3/4 people at once? My heart goes out to you, Em, but the other women really did you a favor. B was especially brave and decent – a lot of people would have taken the scorched earth tactic and blamed a lot of stuff on you. You’ve never described your trust issues in detail before, only to say you had them. I took that to mean perhaps because of your dad but possibly previous relationship stuff. I can definitely see this as a major setback, but I hope you’ll see in retrospect that this dude was one of the few pathological, almost diabolical people out there, not your run of the mill deceiver. In any case, I hope you’ll bounce back from this and be able to trust a new guy. There are lots of good guys still out there looking for someone like you. At least you didn’t waste YEARS with this guy. I once was pursued by what I thought was my dream woman, only to find out after several passionate weeks together in what I thought was a budding LTR that she was engaged and going through with it. So either she just buried some pre-wedding jitters or that dude was in for a lot of hurt…mine only lasted a short while. A lot of people have been through it one way or another…it does actually make you stronger if you can avoid holding it against the eventual Mr. Right. Looking forward to finding out about the payback! Mel, my apologies for my recent rant, I went overboard in a visceral reaction to your criticism. I’m glad Emily Mac understands where I am coming from and discern when I’m trying to be funny or sarcastic. It doesn’t always come across in print the way it sounds in your own head, you know? If others don’t get it, I can’t do anything about it, but no need to go on like I did. Your new profile picture is lovely (and I’m a big fan of your doctor)!

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