Sometimes the most embarrassing thing ever happens to you and you need to tell everyone about it…
In my year of extreme rejection (cheating boyfriend, the “I’m just not that into” text, etc.) you just need to put on your big girl panties and deal. But, this can’t happen before one more mortifying thing happens to you. It’s like the nail in the coffin of 2014.
My brother-in-law’s best friend (Bob) is great. He’s cute, successful and a total catch. He’ll be a great husband and an even better father. Now that we’re older, my entire family is convinced that we would be perfect together. We occasionally cuddle on a drunken eve, but there are no feelings there. I think he’s great, but I know too much. I’m sure he feels the same way.
This year he spent Christmas with us. In a total Bob move, he got us all gifts. Nice guy, right? The day after Christmas I texted him a bunch of pictures from that night. Him with the kids, him with the boys, etc. This is how the texting went…
Me: Here are some pics! So glad you got to spend Xmas with us. You were a big hit! Can you send me your address pls? (for thank you notes)
B: Hey! Thanks for those pics. My address is XX.
Me: You’re welcome! Hope the rest of your holiday was good. I’m heading over to my sister’s later to see if my nephew can hit the ball off the tee I got him.
B: Awesome! I’m sure he’ll be hitting home runs.
2 seconds later:
B: Do you have a bathing suit?
Me: Like with me here? Yes. Why?
B: My parents are out-of-town (remember we’re all “home” for the holidays). They have a nice hot tub. Interested?
Me: (A million things are going through my head, but mostly – this is weird.) Sure. When? And this is totally your tinder line, huh? ☺
7 minutes later:
B: Oh my gosh. (horror emoji) I’m SO embarrassed. That was meant for the girl I’m going out with tonight. And I did not meet her on Tinder.
Me: (I WANT TO DIE!!!) Well, there you go! Haha! Happy dating. And hot tubbing. Can’t wait to tell my sister about this!
B: Oh man.
Me: Don’t worry. I couldn’t feel dumber if I tried. Fun times!
B: Let’s just pretend this never happened.
Me: Ha! NO. Everything happens for a reason.
oh… Then this happened this morning on OkCupid.
23-year-old: You’re way too beautiful for me not to message…
Me: Thank you! Good luck with your search!
23-year-old: You’re a little too old for me, but I might make an exception here and there.
Me: You’re still WAY TOO YOUNG FOR ME.
Rejected and old. See ya 2014. It’s been real.